


On the Lamb

by NotSoDogNinja



Series: On the Lamb: Related Stories [1]
Category: Them's Fightin' Herds (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, Crimes & Criminals, Literary References & Allusions, Non-Graphic Violence, Random - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24663787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoDogNinja/pseuds/NotSoDogNinja
Summary: Pom the Sheep gets framed for a crime she never committed. Now she is on the run, after escaping from sheep federal prison, with her faithful companions, Ruff the sheepdog and Mop the regular sheep.Dodging the law, meeting friends both old and new, and trying to find a way to clear her name. Where nearly nowhere is safe, even without the near-approaching threat of the predators, will she ever have her name cleared of... whatever petty crime she was falsely accused of?Inspired by a comment on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tUIdICivlg, by user "Jason Harris."Indefinite hiatus. These things happen, and I sort of want to revise the first few chapters to make it more appealing. Sorry for the -7 people who cared.
Relationships: None
Series: On the Lamb: Related Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818748
Kudos: 1





	1. The Brotherhood of Baaah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Pom gets some characterization, and gets literally dragged to the meeting hall. There, she gets blamed for something she didn't do, and faints. Freaky foreshadowing. Unenthused narrator who might kill Arizona for a burger.

The soft-spoken Pom opened the door of her cottage, sighing wearily. “Och, wee pups, where did ee gang off tae noaw? I cannae’ keep up with all of yee.” Several sheepdogs rolled around in the grass in front of her, almost tauntingly out of reach of her delicate hooves. “Ruff, Tuft, git back haur noaw!” The pups looked at each other, then back at Pom, then resumed playing as if nothing had happened.

“Foenum, Mary and… Oi! Puppies! Tatties and Newbs!” The pups immediately made a beeline for her, licking and kneading as they reached her. Being a yearling lamb, she was definitely susceptible to surprise tickle attacks. “Ha ha ha! Stoppit! Stopp-aha ha ha ha ha! Ple-he-he-hease!”

While Pom was playing with her lively pack of sheepdogs, a lone figure watched from a random garbage can out in the middle of nowhere. It was actually surprisingly obvious. “Tango Romeo Alpha Sierra Hotel, spotted target. What’s the beef? No, not literally. Yes, I know YOU’RE a cow, but… Alright, sorry, sorry, okay? NO, DON'T TOUCH MY XBOX, YOU... um... YEA!"

He ducked down again as Pom turned in his direction, giving one of the puppies a belly rub with her front hoof.

Continuing his call inside the echoey trash can, he called back to the unknown party. "So, spill the beans, what’s going on with the first half of the plan? Nearly complete, eh? Good. Now I only need an idea of how to…” He pawsed for a few seconds. “Hold up. Heh, heh, heh, T. Romeo A.S. Hotel, you’re a genius! I think I know how to pin this tail on this ewe’s donkey. Now, listen closely...”

Suddenly, the trash can was opened up, and a bunch of general garbage was dumped directly onto him. "Ugh... banana peels, old dog food, some sort of lubricant, oddly shaped plastic baaggsssss....??? WHAT KIND OF SHEEPLE LIVE IN THAT HOUSE?!"

_**GAINED THE CALF PREVENTER!** -6000 POINTS FOR BEING GROSS. Why would you ever want to show this off?!_

* * *

About fifteen minutes after getting her puppies to sit still, Pom heard a yell from outside.

“Pom!”

“Och! Gooddae, Mop. Whit’s gonnae on?”

“It’s the elders. Thae gonna hav a meetin’."

Pom seemed to become more pensive at the mention of a meeting. “A meetin'? but th' elders ne'er meet unless somethin' big happened!” She immediately ran inside her house and got some supplies. 

_**GAINED KNAPSACK!** +3 Storage Space +2 Comfort Level. Standard Sheeple affair, comfy while useful._

Looking more scared by the second, Pom called out for her pups again. “Woof! Ruff! Tuft! Puff! Tae me! Comein, ‘en puppies!" The puppies all rushed towards the sheep. She started to rap out orders with a burning passion.

"Big Mama, yoo’re in charge while aam away! There’s enough scran fur to last ‘alf a season in th’ back closit. Dornt eat it aw! Och, an remembe', tha-”

Pom started to work herself into a total tizzy yelling out orders to “Big Mama.” Being so paranoid about her only (real) friends is something that she did a lot. After about five minutes of waiting around for this to end, Mop got so impatient, he grabbed Pom by her belled collar and literally dragged her to the meeting hall of the Brotherhood of Baaah. They obviously chose that name democratically; a pitiful tried-and-true system. Sheep(le).

* * *

She was also much heavier than she looked, or maybe Mop was just weaker than a... lamb. Even after about fifteen minutes of begrudging dragging, Pom was still in yelling range of her house, and she was making the best use of that fact. “Don’t go walkin’ in Lambert’s garden beds, try nae tae git yerselves lost, an’ make sure ye lesten tae big mama! Don’t forgit-”

Just then, one of the pups came crashing out of the window. “Ruff! Whit are yee daein’ haur? Git back inside noaw!” But the pup stayed just where he was, licking at the sheep’s hooves. Giggling, Pom replied, “Och, Ah guess 'at ye arenae gonna let me. Come along 'en! We're gonnae be late fur th' meetin'!"

“Yeh, no thanks to yer bod like a bag o' washin’.”

Pom yelled back one last time at the house. "An' dornt forgit to fix th' windae, Big Mama!”

* * *

Approximately way too long later, the two sheep and the dog arrived at the Commons Chamber. A rather large council house, filled with chairs that resembled pews. For some reason, they were some of the first ones there. The only other ones were the elders, Prime Minister, themselves, and a seemingly misplaced white-tailed deer. Both Pom and Mop were rather mystified by his appearance here. Pom decided to ram up, and ask a few questions.

“Um…uh...‘Ello?”

“Oh, hello.” the deer replied.

“H-h-hi! Who are ye?”

“I’m… not supposed to be here now.”

“Och, weel, woold you mind if-”

“Well, I’ve got to get going. I would say goodbye, but instead, I’ll say… GERRRRRRONIMOOOOOOOO!!” Jumping out of the open first story window, the erratic deer made his first and only appearance for this chapter.

“That was… interestin’,” Mop mused. “Anywho, we shoods probably wait until th’ others show up.”

“Whit dae ye think thes is aw abit?”

“I dornt know. Probably jist somethin' minur, tho. Like it allus is. 'Member that time that 'ey called some sorta meetin' because of some delusional zebra 'n the savannah?”

Pom shared a nervous chuckle with her companion. "Heh, heh heh... Aye. 'at was certainly somethin'. Ah was chosen as one of th' key seekers only fur th' zebra's mammy tae shaw 'at she was delusional!"

Mop continued on his story. "And didn't ye go on some quest, ending up in Reine City with yer pups chasin' some sorta sprites, only ta be told tae go 'ome!"

This banter continued for a little while. The elders didn't care; they had heard this story a few times before, and they liked seeing the yearlings talk amongst each other. Good for relationships in the future, as they had a tendency for rarely working out, because...

*Note about sheep culture by someone probably not qualified to talk about sheep culture: Because the two sheep are almost always too scared to speak their mind with each other for fear of hurting the other. Not very cohesive for a relationship, but whatcha gonna do 'bout it?

* * *

About two hours later, some sheep finally started to show up at the meeting hall. All sheep, old and young, male and female, smart and as thick as a cow pie, came down for this impromptu meeting. A lone garbage can also came into attendance.

“Bide, Mop, wha did we get haur two hoors early?”

“I… wanted tae be sure we werenae late.”

“Alright, sheeple, stop your yammering so we can get to the hammering. Or rather gaveling. It doesnae matter." The nervous noises from the sheep started to die down. The lead elder spoke again. "I have called this meeting to discuss the matter of the stealing of several sheepdogs from the Mabel household over the past week.”

Several of the sheep audibly gasped, loudest of all Pom. This had to be the worst crime in Baaah in years! No sheep would dare steal another one’s sheepdogs, unless specifically asking for it. Besides, who would steal one of those cute little things? Whoever did it must have been some kind of monster to have taken them from their rightful owners! Wha-

“It started last week, around 1 pm. Every day, one more pup is found missing. We’ve received reports of a coo, accompanied with one of us, if we’re all here, near the place of residence. Judging from eyewitness accounts, it appeared to be a yearling. If anyone would like to confess, press, or point out, please speak up now."

…

…………

…………………

I’m gonna make cricket noises. *inhale-*

“Weel, if no one will come forwards, weel have to do an investigr- inventing- investigation.”

Oh, muttonchops. Why now? Couldn’t they have done something earlier about this?

*Note about sheep culture by someone probably not qualified to talk about sheep culture: Generally any investigation not considered major (less worse than vandalism) is always put off until tomorrow, meaning that no investigations ain’t never gonna get done.

“Mr. Mabel? Anyone in the crowd look familiar?”

“Th-that trashcan over there was i-in my front yard the other-”

“I’m not talking about your trashcan; I’m talking about the sheep at the crime scene! We don’t need information on your trashcan, we need information on the culprit!”

“Y-yes, your honor. A-and you’re right, it was a yearling. Uh, something I noticed was that the culprit was wearing a bell around his neck, uh, um, if he was a male.”

Everyone within six meters of Pom started to stare at her with a burning intensity that rivaled that of a longma’s. She seemed to notice this, because she immediately shrank down to about half her height, trying to gain some reprise from the glares of the… mob? Herd? Council? Brotherhood? No idea. I’ll… just call it herd from now on, and with the other species, too.

“Oh, no. Wha me? Ah wasnae e'en thaur. Ah was at haem wi' mah puppies!”

Mop said some words in her defense. “Aye, that’s right. She’s been doin’ nothin’ but stayin’ in her house for the past four days tendin’ to her pets!”

Sounds of clamoring filled the room, mostly agreeing with that statement. Being the daughter of one of the best late trainers in Baaah meant that she was often asked to look after other dogs, including from the Mabel family. Even Ruff joined in on the yelling.

The eldest elder stood up at this. “Order in the courtyard!" he rapped. "Well, it, uh, definitely seems that Pom or one of the other yearlings could be a part of this… And Pom does wear a bell around her collar all the time, however, many of our other sheep do as well, so, um, it’s impossible to say who possibly did it until we do more research on the crime scene. It doesn't seem as though she did it just looking at the base evidence.” Several more murmurs and baas of agreement circulated the room. 

Pom seemed slightly more relaxed at this, standing slightly straighter, even smiling nervously.

“More research will be conducted started tomorrow. Now, if there are no further questions or disagreements, I declare this meeting adj-”

“I still think it was Pom,” said an unknown voice in the crowd. "I mean... I know that you're not entirely convinced, BUT... just think about it for a second. Pom probably knows how to train sheepdogs from her father... using those skills to steal the puppies? It seems pretty plausible for me. And even more convincing, the hoofprints at the crime scene has the same underhoof pattern as Pom's..." Pom looked at her own hooves at this

"Oh, really? Well... Let's take a vote on this. All in favor of, um, listening to this unknown voice?"

At first, silence. And then, "A-aye."

Pom was accustomed to this occurrence.

"BAAAAAAH!"

It happened many times in the past: how the name of the building was chosen, how punishments were doled out, what decisions would be made-

"Um...Baah."

It was all the same.

"BAAH."

The first person who voted would essentially win the entire shazam thanks to the power of cowardice.

"BAAAAH!"

As the sheep, trashcan, and the same random deer from earlier started to slowly yet surely call out the word of her doom-

“BAAAAAAAAAAH!”

-she felt her head become lighter and lighter, pupils shrinking down to the size of pinpricks, feeling like she was falling… spinning out of control… fall-

“Ohhhhhhhhhh……” "Pom!"

She passed out.

_**GAINED A SENTENCE!** -9000 Popularity points. Two weeks in prison, federal. Wait, that's not good._

* * *

In the Savannah, a young zebra woke up from his nap.  
  
It was the middle of the afternoon, but why... why did he feel so... Tired? Confused? Scared? Scarred?!

Suddenly, the realization hit him like the wolf that he had plainly seen almost had. He knew something was going to throw down. A vivid vision of several ungulates crossed his mind.

While standing in front of the fire pit in the center of the temporary settlement, he whispered to himself one sentence. "The time of the predators has finally come..."

Y’know, I don’t think I get paid enough for this. Could I get a drink, Gel? And where's that Arizona burger I ordered two hours ago? Whaddo ya mean, she didn't want to? Well, FIND her!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place some time after Chapter 1, in an Alternate Universe where Arizona did NOT fight Velvet and Oleander (but didn't help them either). She still fought Paprika, though. Just throwing that out there.
> 
> Thanks to http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/main.asp for help with Pom's style of speech.  
> Praise and criticism are both greatly appreciated. I'm pretty new at these.  
> New chapters whenever I feel some sort of spark; hopefully within a week or two.  
> Edited to fit better with the book of lore.  
> Edit 7/05: Added stuff so this looks more like story mode.


	2. Well, that was Rather Abrupt...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Pom adjusts to her first day in the prison, while Mop and her new prisoner friend Demoram figure out a way to bust her out. A couple of flashbacks. Meanwhile, our zebra friend(?) has some more visions, and the Narrator tries some hardtack.

Pom woke up to a lightly whimpering puppy licking her face, clearly concerned about her well-being. Standing up, and slowly stretching, she walked straight into a wire fence.

Wait… where… Pom took a few moments to take a look at her surroundings.

It was just a simple wire room; all four walls were made of wire fencing. She was standing next to a simple bed, no pillow, pretty stiff. There was also a dresser in the corner, with some unidentifiable clothes in it. A few shelves were hanging from the wire fencing, nothing on them. 

The only other thing of note was a hole in the ground with… ugh… Not going there anytime soon.

Then Pom took a look at her clothes. Someone had forced her into an orange prison’s outfit while she was…uh…incapacitated! Shaking her head and holding her hooves up to her eyes, she audibly gasped. Ugh. Hope no one did… ulp… anything… with her…

Nope. Not going there. THIS has already snowballed outta control.

_**GAINED(?) THE MUTTONCHOPS!** +7 Orange +4 Ironic value. You're a prisoner, Pom! Just watch out for night howling and twist endings._

At least they let her keep her cute little bell. Her dog was also in a little prisoner’s outfit. Orange as well, but it didn't look as worn as hers. She would have probably thought it looked really cute on him, if they weren’t in a literal prison. 

Looking past her own “cell,” she could see several other cells, all of them empty. Having all those wire fences as walls would mean… No privacy? AT ALL? AND ALL OF THIS IS OUTSIDE?! “Ah think aam gonna faint again.” The same feeling that had overcome her before came flooding back, threatening to take her again, into the sweet, sweet embrace of darkness… Maybe this is all a bad dream… maybe... “Oooooooohhh…”

“OI! I’M DEMORAM! I’M A BLOODY BLACK SHEEPISH CYCLOPS! DIDN’T YOU HEAR THE BLOODY MESS BELL? COME ON! LET’S GET SOME FREE SCRAN!”

Pom understandably yelled. I don't know exactly what she yelled, but it went something like “Holy Roly Poly Crawling In Guacamole,” before she fainted. Again.

...

........

...............

Is this common for her?

* * *

When she came to, AGAIN, she was in some type of infirmary room. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a standard doctor’s off… DOCTOR’S OFFICE?!

Pom yelled for the second time that day, this time something actually comprehensible. Like any of you can actually understand what those dress-wearing Englishmen actually say. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Och, nae! Nae th' doctor's! Dinnae stab me wi' any o' those needles, please, I beg of ye!” she yelled to the empty room. Upon realizing, a single wispered “Oh.” escaped her lips.

Still shaky, the lamb got out of her infirmary bed. Everything was just as she remembered it in her last doctor’s visit: Absolutely, positively horrifying. Bright lights shining in her face, strange instruments of unknown origin, doctors saying that it won’t hurt even though it always does, weird screens with unsettling lines, oh, the horror! She had to get out of here, now!

Jumping out her bed with the speed of a horse and out the door of the infirmary in near record time, she tried to escape this place she dreaded so much. On her way, she tripped over an IV stand, landing next to some cabinet and shelves. The door of the cabinet flew open, revealing a few infirmary outfits. Out of pure reflex, the young sheep grabbed a lab coat and head mirror before making her exit.

_**GAINED DOCTOR'S ORDERS!** +1 PhD +3 Down air spike. A slick white coat from the torture chambers known as the doctor's office. Also, those Popsicle sticks are TOTALLY clean._

**_GAINED CLEAR!_ ** _+5 Shiny +1 Cleverness._ _A head mirror from the torture chambers known as the doctor's office. A butt-kick a day keeps the doctor away!_

As soon as she exited the door, she ran smack dab into… the doctor and his nurse assistant, both sheep. “Och, Naet again! Och, please, have mercy, I beg of ye!”

The doctor looked at her rather strangely, only to sigh and chuckle to himself a bit, with a bit of Austrailian flair. The nurse, on the other hand, just looked worried and relieved at the same time, for some reason.

“Ye wouldn’t hurt a wee lamb, would ye?” Pom continued. “Ah’m ‘ealthy, I swear on Foenum!”

The doctor laughed a bit more, reassuring the lamb,

“It’s foine, young’ un. Besoides, yah look much bettah naow thahn haow yah cuyme in. Oy theenk Oy cahn laeh' yah gao naow, cawnsoiderin haow yah hahve a clahssic cuyse of iatrawphobia.”

Seriously, can anyone understand Scottish or Australian accents?

“Naow gao t' the maess hohl; it's deennah naow. Yah weah eow' faw a whoile.”

Pom shakily agreed to this, and started to head down the hallway, but soon realized she had absolutely no idea where the cafeteria, or whatever it was. She turned to ask the doctor where she could find it, only to find he had gone back into his office for an unknown purpose after his run in. She felt rather tempted to go after him and ask him, but supposed that he probably didn’t want to be bothered with a silly question like that.

The nurse was still in the hallway, though, so she decided to ask him for some, ANY directions. “Ex-”

“Pom!” The nurse bleated.

“Mop?” Pom was slightly startled by the appearance of her friend. Does he even count as a friend? Whatever. “Whatever ur ye daein' haur? Dornt teel me ye ur tryin' tae sae me. Yoo're jist puttin' yerself at risk!”

“I couldnae just leave you here to rot awae in this filthy place. Someone ‘ere wood kill the likes of yerself before ye could say ‘them’s fightin’ words.’”

Pom saw some wisdom in this, but still… “But aam only gonnae be haur fur a couple a' weeks, accordin’ to that bulletin board over thar. That's whit they said.”

Mop shook his shaggy head no. “If you think that the sheepolice would just let someone who just stole some puppies go to a federal sheep prison for just a week, you’re terribly mistaken. I was conscious of the verdict while you were still out, readin’ newspapers and such. The trash can sheep, ‘member ‘im?, who referred to himself as some name ‘MABEL,’ convinced everyone that you’re gonna find a way to release the predators. I dinnae know how, but he did anyways. So unless we bust you outta here, yer gonna be here for a good long while.”

Pom tensed up again. “We?”

“Yes. We. I got a sheeple on the inside. His name? Demoram.”

Pom leaned back as far as her little legs would let her. "Demoram?! That psycotic robber 'n' pillager?! He's gonnae hulp me? How? 'N' how come? 'N' whit if-"

Putting his hoof to Pom's face, Mop silenced her. "I'll tell ye everything. Dinnae work yerself into a tizzy; ye don't wanna go back intae the infirmary, do ye?"

*shake shake* *bell tinkling noises*

Continuing, Mop restated "I'll tell ye everything. The meetin' went somethin' like..." 

* * *

*approximately two and a half hours ago, six hours after Pom fainted...*

Visitor's Center

"SO, wee lamb, Whit ur ye haur fur? Ye ainae frae mah fowk an' aam nae expectin' visitors."

"Shhh... Hey... I'm your... cousin. M-M-Marcus. How's it going D-Demo?"

"I dinnae know why ye be talkin' tae me. Ah dinnae even know ye-"

"Shh-sh-shhhh! I know you dinnae... but I need yer help with somethin'."

"And prae, why wood ye go tae the trouble of passin' as me relative?"

"A friend. I need yer help gettin' 'er out."

"An' what's in it fer me?"

"Prae, what?"

"What be in it fer me? I cannae do this fer free, tryin' tae bust yer friend out. Aam puttin' meself at risk fer yer 'friend,' too."

"Uh... What are your demands?"

"Number Wan, Freedom from thees bloody place. Too, A place Ah can get a free drink fer meself. Tree, a garuntee that I dinnae hav to git back in 'ere."

"Yee... Have a deal, there."

"Good. Ah will tell ye, ye aren't as ill as ah foremaist thought, laddie."

"Okay. Do ye need anything else? To help ye, I mean?"

"Naow, ah will an' a' need some stuff tae hulp us git outta 'ere."

"Like?"

"Ah, dinnae worry yerself aboot that yit, ah'll tell ye after."

"Uh. Okay. Any other way I can help you out?" 

"Ye cuid sneak aroond heeya tae see if ye cannae fin' a wabbit dyke fur us tae howk oot o'."

"What?! How?! I'd be ded before ye could say 'Little Bo Peep!'"

"Why dinnae ye diguise as a nurse or something? Fae whit ye tellt me earlier, that an sheep ye care aboot is in th' infirmary."

"That means I might get to see her and explain whit's goin' on!"

"Exactly! 'Ere, put this oan."

"That's a beet too convenient. But Ah'll do anythin' to save 'er at this point, so whit am ah waitin' foar? Let's dew this!"

* * *

"That's about the jist of it." Mop concluded. 

Pom just looked confused about the entire thing, but smiled and said "okay" anyways.

"Whitever, I'll stay in touch with yee. If ye need tae talk to me, just try tae faint. Watch a horror flic. Or take a shower and drop yer soap. That'll dew it. Mess 'all's on the left, then a right, good luck. Demoram'll protect ye, and it's only fer a couple of days, mebee less. I've found a good spot to make our... uh... dramatic exit."

"Okay. Just one lest question, tho."

"Yeh?"

"How come we're in a supply closet now?"

_**GAINED THE BUCKET!** +1 Bucket. Today's greatest fashion statement. Just giving up and putting a bucket on your head._

* * *

The zebra took another look at the firepit. The flames weren't kind and kindling like before. Something more sinister at hand was headed at a breakneck pace.

The flames morphed into the shapes of several ungulates. A sheep first, then shifting into a form of a longma. A unicorn, an alpaca, a reindeer, a cow. Before they all disappeared into the fire.

The fire continued to roar, louder than before. Turning into the shapes of many predators, sharp claws, giant wings, jaws that could tear him to shreds.

It all disappeared. The six ungulates from earlier, in front of a silhouette of a final predator, with a sheep on top of it. 

He had no idea what to make of this. Was his intuition wrong again? Would he tell them? SHOULD he tell them? That was the question.

The fire shifted one last time. Into the shape of a white tailed deer. "Why?" he asked. "Why?!" he cried again. "WHY?!!"

The fire gave no answer. It just flickered, teasing him. Because that's what fire does. What it wants.

Sheesh. What a crybaby. Hey, Gelly! You get Arizona? NO?! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ONE GODDARNED WEEK FOR THIS BURGER. WHADDAYA MEAN, TRY SOMETHING ELSE? WHAT SHOULD I EAT, THEN? CARDBOARD? AIR? Well, let me tell you something. We. Don't. Eat. AIR! Just for that, I think I'll ACTUALLY eat some cardboard. What do you say to that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Demoman from TF2 makes an appearance as a major (?) character.  
> Iatraphobia is the fear of the doctor's office. The doctor is partially inspired by the Sniper, for some reason. (I needed a new accent to work with.)
> 
> Whee... So I've actually got some reason to keep working on this! Woohoo? Anyways... Thanks for reading what little I've got. Still steadily working on this...
> 
> Edit: fixed pacing of the zebra substory  
> Edit 7/5: Added collectible items.


	3. How about a Nice Game of Rock, Paper, Scissors?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Pom goes to the lunch room to converse with Demoram and co. Escape plan is partially detailed. Story actually becomes teen. Narrator gives up trying to murder Arizona.

Finally reaching the cafeteria, Pom worked up the nerve to find the black sheep she had met earlier. She spotted the Demoram from afar, at one of the tables in the back. Gulp. Back?

You can do this, Pom. It's just a little bit. All you have to do is get to the lunchewes, and get to Demoram. Surely everything would be okay after that, right? Right? 

Well, you know what they say. The first step is always the hardest. She took it. Then the second step. Just as hard. Wait, that's not... Step number three. Still the same difficulty. Step number-

Internally, Pom violently reconsidered the validity of that specific phrase. All the steps were equally as hard. She suddenly froze in place. A single, giant sheep, eyed her from the corner from his own. Several others were also looking at her from the closest table. Some hungrily, some sadly, others with a burning passion for...

Pom stayed stock still for a few more seconds, when suddenly her legs started shaking. And then- a step forwards.

Nothing else happened. Suddenly, the Demoram called, "Comon ov'r 'ere, Pom."

She glanced towards where the floor was suddenly moving under her. At first she thought she had just been dreaming, but now I know something was happening to her body. Her legs started jittering again. Her legs were trembling so much they were almost stiff, and her head kept bowing slightly to one side. And now a bit of her felt like screaming to nothing in particular.

But... If she never got to Demoram, how in the name of the Prime Minister could she get out of this place? Still shaky, she took another step forwards. Slowly yet surely, towards the lunchewes. Barely noticing the glares of all the vandalists, and the stealers, and the people who forgot to shower in the middle of the day, the whole shabang. 

The lunchewes were nice enough, though. She just got a hayburger, a salad, and some imported milk, or something.

_**GAINED LUNCHTRAY!** +4 Food +1 F****NG RAW. A blue lunchtray, perfect for being yelled at by angry chefs and teachers alike._

Picking up what little courage she had, she started to head over to the table where the Demoram and her dog, Ruff, chained to the leg of the table, were.

She simply attempted to blot out the stares and catcalls while attempting heading over towards him.

You know... this wasn't so bad. All she had to do was keep heading forwards, just keep walking... keep-

"Oof!"

"Ey, watch where you're going."

"Er, er, Sorry! Ah dinnae see ye thare."

"Ey, You're the new girl, eh?"

"Um, uh, yeh?"

The first sheep, a large brown ball of wool, said a very inappropriate joke that would make this story very not teen rated.

"W-Wh-what?!"

Yeah, this story is teen rated, what are you gonna do about it?

"I was talking tae th' big 'un."

Oh. Uh, carry on then.

"W-Wh-what?!"

"What, you don't wanna? Yer gonna have to fight me ta get outta this."

"Fight?!"

"Yeh, fight. Don't ye know how?"

* * *

_Pom held her breath as he unrolled the scroll and read aloud. The sheep listened, mouths agape, as the message informed of the impending return of the Predators, the threat to the entire world, the possibility of being eaten, and the need for a champion to keep it all from happening._

_The sheep were stunned silent._

_Then, PANIC! Pom could barely keep herself from fleeing while the flock races around the chamber, bouncing over and off one another, bleating chaotically._

_“Order in the court I say!” the Prime Minister shouts, bashing his head onto the podium. BAM BAM BAM! The flock calmed just enough to hear him call for the vote._

_“Now, should we help the world of Fœnum and all the creatures in it? Should we find the champion of The Meadow? All in favour?”_

_Pom braced for the deafening BAAAHHH, but heard nothing. Nothing at all. All around her she saw the uncomfortable shifting, the eyes on the floor, and heard the low, noncommittal mumbles filling the air._

_The cowards! Always they can be counted on to vote yes, but not now that the world needs them._

_Then she remembered the promise she made to herself. She steadied her shaking knees, reached deep down, found all her strength and bleated loudly, “OF COURSE WE SHOULD!”_

_“All-for-voting-Pom-as-champion?” the Prime Minister blurted out._

_“BAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”_

_Wait, what?! The herd surged towards her and lifted her into the air!_

_“All hail the champion of The Meadow! Baaahh! Baaah!”_

_“Hold on, wait,” she stammered, “I-I didn’t mean it! I meant, nah, we shouldn’t help! I meant to say that’s a stink idea!”_

_The flock heard nothing. “She is so brave!” they cried. “She is so strong!” they exclaimed. “Only the most mighty among us would state their own opinion!” Normally Pom would take note of how oddly direct these statements were, but she’s far too busy regretting speaking her mind and being utterly horror-struck by the task that lies ahead of her._

* * *

"Uh... almost once, but ah never got around tae doing it?"

The larger sheep, now being noted as being brown and about three times her size, answered with,

"Heh, lame. If yew wanna get outta here aloive, Yoo've gotta prove it to me. Put em' up!"

Pom tried vainly to dissuade the situation. "How about a nice game of Rock, Paper, Scissors instead?! That sounds nice! Right?"

Smiling sheepishly, Pom looked for any sign of mercy in the ram's eyes.

...

Nope. Nothing. Back to pitiful begging.

"Let's juist dae that instead, eh?! Uh... We cen work somethin' oot, right?! Er, Er... Please dinnae murdurr me!"

The brown ram laugh uproariously, yelling a few more profanities, before readying himself for a fight.

"Alright, pretty, you- Gugh!"

Suddenly, the Demoram came from behind the rouge and gave him a clean stranglehold that squeezed the bully's neck like a sponge!

"Ah didnae ken ye wanted tae rammy sae badly. Ye wanna gang sae badly, then let's gang! Eef ye ken whit's guid fur ye, ye'll run. Och, hauld yer horses, a'm strangling ye!"

The first sheep whithed to get out of the shankhold, failing miserably. The demo continued,

"Noo listen 'ere, buddy. If ye dinnae wantae see th' de'il earlie, then you'd best be getting oan wi' yer meal. Giddae!"

Releasing the defeated mud colored sheep, who limped away still muttering profanities, the Demoram led Pom to the table, where a few of his friends (?) were sitting. They all slightly acknowledged the black sheep, before turning and continuing their conversation.

Both of them were seated across each other. Demoram was about to take a bite out of his sandwich, when Pom piped up, "Sae, whit's our plan fur getting ourselves out o' 'ere? Mop told meh."

Even though the sandwich was, at this point, about two centimeters away from his mouth, he put the sandwich down to answer this question.

"A'richt, here's th' jist. Sae, if ye leek at this map 'ere-"

At this, the Demoram took the top slice, lettuce, and tomato off of his sandwich, revealing a sheet of paper, folded up several times, drenched in a white liquid.

*Note: Just between you and me, I don't actually think it's mayo. Okay?

Unfolding the sheet revealed a relatively detailed map of the first floor.

"Ye kin see th' wabbit plooks 'ere, 'ere, 'n' 'ere. That's whaur we're gonnae deeg oor wey oot!"

"Bit, if ye'r jist gonnae dig yer wey oot, how come ye dinnae use yur explosives? Didn't ye get arrested fer that? Ye shood know how tae use 'em." 

*Note: She saw it on the bulletin

"Too 'ard tae fabrikate. Instead, a'm juist gonnae mak' some decoys tae pat oot. Tae 'ard tae legally git th' stuff in a jayle anyways..."

Pom nodded. Yeah, obviously, getting explosives into a prison is pretty hard. Digging was probably faster, anyways. Shrugging to both herself and the Demoram, she turned to see if her dog was al...ri...gh-

She suddenly drew in her breath. Turning her head towards her dog, she finally figured out the answer to the question she had before she had before this entire ordeal, before her arrest, before her call as a Key Seeker. It- it- "R-r-r-..."

* * *

Okay, so, like, before I continue with this plot point in the next chapter, what the hell is a longma? Like, even the spell check on this program lists it as not a word. 

From what I can tell, it's some sort of dragon/ horse hybrid or something, but why the heck did they decide to put one of those in instead of some white-tailed or something?

UUUGGGHHHHH... Besides... you aren't going to see any longmas until at least chapter six...

Also, Gelly, did you ever get me that hamburger? No? Well... how about a hot dog then? Just find me one of them... and I'll cook it myself!

* * *

The zebra from before had not moved from the spot near the fire for a few hours. A strange noise resonated in the background, yet the zebra didn't even flinch.

Nothing could shake him from the embers flying up from their birthplace. The flames said something incomprehensible, indescribable. Again, a noise far off, yet... familiar?

Something calling him? Something... 

He saw a silhouette of a young sheep in the negative space of the fire. Familiar again. Whatever could it mean? The fire took on several more forms, some sinister, some solemn. The same noise. The third time.

He felt his heart beating. He knew this noise. It was-

"Ribbon! There you are! We've been searching all over for you! Why didn't you come when we called?"

"But mom! I- I... I...... I'm sorry, Mama!" the young zebra cried out, bursting into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not anything worth noting this time. Except that you made it this far! Sorry for the lower quality this time around. Either way... I'm probably to have to take slightly more time with the next chapters thanks to some issues, but I'll still be working on this. Until next time, all 3 of you who care!
> 
> Edit: The chapter originally ended with:  
> Wait, are you waiting for the zebra? Wellllll... I'm not gonna show what happens until chapter 5, capiche?  
> Eventually decided against it because of pacing.


	4. Come up with title, Write in the comments below, Wrote haiku for it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pom figures out what dogs actually are, and a new writing technique is learned. She then goes to bed and escapes from prison, or something. New subplot is introduced. Little blurb at the end.

*Continued

"R-Ruff?"

The small puppy looked up from his meal, some sort of mince meat in a little metal dish.

*Note on sheep culture by someone probably not qualified to talk about sheep culture: The death penalty is basically getting turned into mince, which then gets sent to the longmas. Not many sheep actually get to that point, though; this one's a cow. Also, this prison is for UNGULATES, not just sheep. Minus longmas.

Oh, gee... THANKS, Pen!

*Np

* * *

From the little crumbs of mince on the outside of it, she could see he had eaten half of it, and showed no signs of stopping. On one hand, she felt like shrieking over the fact that she now knew what this small puppy was capable of eating, but yet... he looked so innocent, eating this unknown meat with the same gusto she was looking for when feeding him the clover...

She suddenly recalled her feelings the first time she went to the Chamber.

_I have this small pack of four sheepdog pups, given to me for protection, as all Sheep are. In the short time I've had them, I've never seen them eat any of the grass that I set out for them. They barely even sniffed the other types of food, like hay, leaves, and even flowers, as if the dogs had no interest in anything that grew out of the ground. But somehow they thrived. I set out to find out why, and now I know... a fascinating discovery... these dogs hunt mice and rabbits, pests that would otherwise destroy our crops. All the green food left out for the dogs dries up or rots away. Green food that could otherwise go to needy sheep. Now I know more than I could have ever asked for._

_These dogs... could kill... me? The sheeple I care for? No, that's... I trust them, right? They trust me, right- I-?_

She looked back at little Ruff, who having finished his little dish, licked his chops and grinned, showing all of his little fangs. Almost as if he was smiling...

Pom shook her head again to clear her mind from her revelation. These puppies... Were predators? How? 

The sheep sat down again to think about what she had just learned, shutting out any of the other noises, the other sheeple at the table, anything! She. Just. Had. To. THINK. Jusforamomentplease!

_These dogs... are predators? But... How? How did this come about? When did they... How did they?_

While Pom was having her little existential crisis, the Demoram was eyeing the dog, although, not coldly. In fact, he was starting to take a small liking for the little bugger. Reaching out a hoof to pet him, the Demoram reveled in this new, short lived friendship.

He bellowed out, "Awright, doggy, how urr ye daein'? Bonny guid?" Looking over at Pom and her heated expression, he continued. "Heh, looks lik' yer owner's haein a wee issue wi' yer eating habits, bit Ah dinnae care aboot thaim. Ye'r yin o' twa wha actually steals th' time tae knoo me, eh?" He continued to rub the dog's underside with his large hoof. "Ah, ye liked that, didnae ye? a'richt. Yi'll waant mair? Ah kin ask... Bit then a'd git in even mair trauchle, eh? BAAAAhhahahahaAA!"

His loud raucous laugh was extremely contagious. Soon the entire table was laughing for really, no particular reason at all. In fact, this happens pretty often. Like, REALLY often. But then he looked over at Pom, who was still just getting the fact that her puppy was a predator into her head.

He immediately stopped his bellowing to try to comfort the sheep. "Uh... Pom..."

"He's a p-p-predator... and p-predators... *gasp* ee-ee-eat..."

The Demoram looked worried about his comrade, but realized she probably just needed some time to herself. Attempting to comfort her, he replied, "Aye, Pom, uh, ye... Catch up wi` me at th' doctors at 9 p.m sharp. Th' nicht, okay? Ye'r gonnae tae haf tae figure oot how tae git thare, bit juist catch up wi` me thare, okay?"

The younger sheep nodded sagely. No more words passed through anyone's muzzle for the rest of the period, although Ruff let out a happy belch.

* * *

The rest of the day was, meh, boring. Nothing worth noting. A shower, a silent dinner, some workouts. All while internally screaming with Ruff next to her.

Pom needed to find a way to get to the doctor's again. Mop was probably still here right? What did he say, about wanting to talk to him, or something? _"If ye need tae talk to me, just try tae faint. Watch a horror flic. Or take a shower and drop yer soap. That'll dew it."_ Okay...

It was the shower period... and she did need to get to the nurses office... Demoram probably told Mop, right? Right. Just wait a bit, then ask to watch a horror flic using the TV time. No biggie, right?

What? You actually wanted her to- BAH... You dirty mind you...

Eh, uneventful shower... Ugh... Not going to happen... 

Her puppy panted, and shook himself off, his jumpsuit making some cute flapping sounds. 

She sighed, knowing that she had to do this to get out of here; this was her only chance.

Ruff contentedly sighed, before curling up to take a nap. In the middle of the hallway. GREAT, GOING YOU LITTLE BI- oh wait he's male

Picking him up on her back, she headed out towards her cell, realization fresh in her mind. Which horror movie should she suggest...

She suddenly noticed a couple of things of note in Demo's cell, so she took a quick detour to find anything of use.

_**GAINED BROWN EYEPATCH!** _ _-12 Depth perception +3 Explosions. AND TELL THE DEVIL I'M COMIN' FOR HIM NEXT!_

 _**GAINED DYNAMITE REPLICA!** _ _+0 explosion +20 intimidation. Don't stick this out in the prison._

The guards seemed to enjoy seeing her come. They knew she wouldn't cause trouble... Sheep like her never do... But when she requested to see Preddy Cougar... THAT caught them off guard. They weren't expecting someone like her to see a movie like that... but who knows what she was like on the inside. She was sentenced here, so obviously she must have some secret, right? The first of the two guards just shrugged a little, before they shared a chuckle. They were still going to watch her, but there was no real need to. She would never try to escape, with a timid attitude like that, right? Right?

* * *

She came to sitting in the same hospital bed as before. She estimated the time using the moon's position. Probably around 8:30. Still thirty minutes. She looked around for anything that Demo or Mop could have left for her.

She saw a map, marked with a couple of X's, and two replicas of pipe bombs. At the southwest corner of the map, she saw a circle that said "Meet us here at 9:30." There were also instructions on how to use these pipe bomb replicas, basically they just made a lot of light and noise at the predetermined times. 

She gulped. She had to bring Ruff with her... but... Ruff was still asleep, curled up in a surgeons smock. She had to wake him up without making him draw any attention. She NEEDED to do this, otherwise... What's even the point?

"Oi... Ruff..." She whispered, nudging him with a hoof. "We need tae get goin'. We're gettin' outta this place."

The dog yawned a little before doing a nice impression of Pom's yoga sessions. He sat down eagerly awaiting orders from Pom.

On the topic of Pom, she was still thinking about what being the caretaker of a predator meant. Not only for her, but for anyone she cares about.

Back to italics.

_I know he's my dog, but... He could hurt me... or worse... How can I...Can I..._

Straightening herself, and firming up her resolve she came to her conclusion. _Ah... no... I could never leave him out in the world alone. He's helpless. And if Big Mama doesn't attack me... I'm pretty sure he won't get any ideas either._

She looked at Ruff again. He was licking something... Something red... Something wet...Something... Pom gasped, trying to not scream in fear at the item the dog was licking.

It was a used rectal thermometer. Ew. She had to remember to clean out his mouth before letting him lick her...

Now... all she could do is wait. Until 9:00. Then she could make her move, to freedom. To what lie ahead. And also remove the thermometer from her pet's clutches. That's something else entirely.

* * *

It was now approximately 9:00, or just before, so the young'un made her move. First heading to the north side of the building. She checking her map again, noting the exact locations where the replicas needed to be located. All as planned.

Alright... Checklist...

Turned on? Check!

Clock set? Check!

To 9:30? Check!

Placed in location? Check!

Headed to southwest corner? Check!

Pathway clear? Check-

it out... of course. There's a guard. With a flashlight, baton, and hoofcuffs, he looked more than ready to take them on.

Does she have to- She looked at the Moon again. 9:27?! When did it get so late?! How long did it take to set up those things?! How the heck did she know the exact time?! S-she couldn't! She just couldn't!

"R-ruff... I'm s-s-sorry for letting you d-dow-Huh?"

The small dog was pushing her at a rapid pace towards the guard, who miraculously hadn't noticed them yet. 

Pom went into "yell-whisper mode." "Ruff?! Whit are ye doin'?"

The dog mimed towards his mouth. 

Pom continued, "We have to get outta h-" She stopped, suddenly realizing what the puppy meant. "Actually, that might... Ye think ye could sneak on o'er past 'im?"

The dog obliged, his black pelt blending in with the surrounding dark room. Sneaking around the guard was no difficult task, the guard being preoccupied with ungulates, not sheepdogs.

When he got in position behind him, he gave a short, curt not towards the bell wearing sheep.

Jumping in front of the guard, Pom gave him the old one two.

Except that it was more like petting him with both arms.

"Is this some kinda joke? Ye think that'll-"

Suddenly, Pom leaped back, shaking her head, bell tinkling, while yelling, "Sickem', laddie!"

Ruff leaped out from behind the guard, letting out a mighty bark! This bark was enough to bowl the guard over!

Over, Pom's head that is. And into a table.

Pom chuckled a little bit, before realizing that they should probably get out of there before someone came to investigate.

In the same whisper as before, Pom complimented her pet with a "Giddjob, laddie!"

The dog just nudged her forwards, towards their freedom. 

Then Pom returned, looking around timidly, before heading towards the officer.

_**GAINED POLICE UNIFORM!** +7 Donut craving +4 Justice. I do feel lucky, punk._

* * *

Time? 9:29. 

Mop and Demoram? Present.

Pom? Here.

Actions? Digging. Silently of course, but the dog was actually making the work a lot faster than expected.

Hot dog? Eaten.

Boring? Yes.

The four animals worked silently, and efficiently. They were already halfway through the wall. Because, yes, hooves can dig VERY well.

Pom took another look at the silver moon, 34.37 degrees in the sky... the replicas should be going off in about fifteen seconds.

Aside from the sounds of their digging, the only other things she could hear were coming from the other side of the wall. A few frogs, some crickets, a bunch of carts! She was so close to the freedom... so close...

Suddenly, an explosion sound and a large plume of light shot out from the opposite side of the prison. Mop whispered a warning to his friends. "We've gotta hurry; they're gonnae check over 'ere sooner or later!

The two other sheep nodded and redoubled their efforts. They were in the phase where digging up was certainly an option... Yes! They're gonna make it! They're-

Suddenly a spotlight from an unknown source shined from the northwest corner of the wall. It was moving towards the group at a speed that rivaled Arizona's dash speed in the game!

The dog seemed to notice this first, as he barked out a warning to the other three. All of them turned their heads towards their immediate left, before facing forwards again for the final push forward. Unfortunately for them, Arizona has the highest run speed in the game, and the light was approaching at a speed at which there would be no time to get all the way through.

Mop voiced his concern to the other members of his ragtag party in an efficient way. "We ain't gonnae make it!"

The three started to panic more, while the dog just redoubled his efforts. But as much as they tried, the spotlight just was too fast for them...

* * *

Suddenly, a giant furry brown face popped out the other side! Stretching a large clawed pad of fur inside, the creature up and pulled them straight through! Grunting loudly, the large bear of a creature moved himself and his victims surprisingly silently and quickly away from the prison. Into the woods, where fortunately, the escaped criminals would be safe. Hopefully. 

The creature in question felt soft, like really soft, and was totally running like mad, holding all four of them in a giant bear hug.

The Demoram recovered from this shock first, managing to get out of the overly strenuous neck massage. 

Not really caring to fend off the bear, he basically said, "Cheers fur th' hulp! Guid luck!" before running away from the other two sheep.

Unfortunately for them, as much as they tried, they were just too weak to escape the clutches of this new creature. It spit and growled in their faces, baring its large teeth.

It then unceremoniously dropped them on the ground as if they were just sacks of flour. Standing on it's hind legs, sheep lying down in awe, it inhaled sharply, and blew the biggest, most disgusting raspberry any of the trio had ever heard in their lives.

* * *

Meanwhile...

_Uh... Hey, Boone?_

_Uh... Yeah... You know... The Pom gal?_

_She- uh... She escaped. The prison. Yeah. Anything you want to add?_

_I'm TRASH?! Well, duh! That's my acronym that you gifted to me!_

_Well, SORRY, but how was I to know she was going to break out on, like the second day?_

_Ugh... Alright... I'll find her. Just... Send in some backup, alright?_

_Ok. See him there._

**_Over and out._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All, Right! I'm REALLY proud of this chapter; like 2x better than the last one. I'm starting to enjoy this kind of writing style...
> 
> Thanks for reading, and see you whenever I decide to write the next chapter.


	5. Llamas, Bears, Picnics, Oh, My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pom, Mop, Ruff, and their new friend have a picnic and a little heart-to-heart. Pom recalls an encounter with the alpaca, they get in a fight.

The furry creature then suddenly threw off her head, revealing a cheerful yellow ungulate. She was definitely... unusual, to say the least. Banana colored fur, nearly plastic smile, and a disproportionately large neck to boot. The sheer amount of chaotic joy that emanated from her very closely rivaled our protagonists' amount of confusion and fear.

Ripping off the rest of her over-sized clothing, it was revealed that she was some sort of alpaca. And she looked like she wanted to (Figuratively? Literally? Whatever.) eat both of the lambs up! This was further exemplified by the fact that her neck curled up in odd angles as she puckered and giggled.

Both lambs were petrified. But, nature abhors a vacuum, and Pom spoke about the alpaca first. "I...I've never been so scared of a hug!" 

"M-Me either!"

Then the alpaca started to laugh uncontrollably. Like, not just the faintly chuckling laughter or near roars that most sheep expected to hear, but actual genuine laughter. Interesting. So interesting, that the other ungulates in the party started to laugh with the same intensity, with their newfound... er... friend.

About five minutes later, most of their laughter died down. Except for the alpaca, she was still going at it like she just took about six cups of espresso.

Mop, looking worried, decided that he should be the one who would ask this... uh... Banana? her motives. "So...uh, no offence, but, uh... Why did ye save us from there? We would've been muttonchops if it weren't for ye?"

"💣︎✡︎☠︎✌︎💣︎☜︎🕯︎💧︎🏱︎✌︎🏱︎☼︎✋︎😐︎✌︎✏︎"

"Huh?"

"🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎💧︎🕈︎☼︎⚐︎☠︎☝︎✍︎" she answered, cocking her head to one side and giving a quizzical look.

"I can't understand you."

The elated creature nodded. She immediately ran off into the woods.

The two sheep just stared, and Ruff just scratched his ear with his hindpaw. 

"What just happened?!" Pom asked, breaking the already shaky silence.

"I dinnae know! I juist asked a question!"

"Well... where did she-"

Quite literally on cue, Paprika reappeared from the woods with a school grade chalkboard with wheels.

Drawing on the board, Paprika created a crude square with a four more squares on each of the corners. Then she drew three circles and a triangle inside the square and gave all of them crude smiley faces. She then stood back, stood on her hind legs and gestured with her front legs towards the sketch.

Both of the sheep looked at her and the board quizzically. Pom's eyes dilated a bit, understandingly. "Och! That's the prizin! And those circles, that's us!"

Paprika nodded about seven times in the next two seconds, before drawing on the board some more.

Actually, she spent the next twenty minutes drawing an incredibly detailed caricature of herself, with big, bulking muscles and a strange looking face.

Then she pointed to the square again and drew a line through the bottom left corner of it. She then drew a big arrow with... lights? with the same level of detail as her self portrait, pointing from herself towards the little line.

Mop did a little "facepom" and simply reminded Paprika,"Yes, we know ye saved us, but WHY did ye save us?"

She smiled sweetly, again, before launching into a double take that shot her back a full two feet. Running over to her blackboard in her goofy manner, she drew out a picnic basket from her large amount of fluff. She then proceeded to throw the basket a fair distance away, into a small clearing in the middle of the forest, concealed by bushes.

_So she saved us so she could have some people for her picnic? How does that even make..._

She felt a tug on her little collar. Ruff was pulling her towards the picnic setup!

"Wai-wait! Don- S-sit! S-Sit! No? Stay? Please?"

The dog didn't ignored Pom's incessant pleading, and simply dragged her over to the alpaca's midnight snack spread. 

And, oh boy, what a spread it was. Every kind of (lacto-ovo-vegetarian) food that any of them could ask for was there! From sandwiches, to veggie burgers, to salads, to drinks, nothing was left out from any of their diets. Except Ruff, he would probably have to have something different.

Their minds made up, all four of them sat down to have a little sit down and cool off.

* * *

"So, uh... If you're gonna join our leetle party, then what should we call you?"

The alpaca obliged, pulling out a little satchel of red spices.

Mop, the asker, stared at the contents of the bag for a few moments, before shouting confidently, "Cumin!" The alpaca shook her head while a helicopter prepared for liftoff.

Frowning, Mop and Pom took turns at guessing the contents multiple times. "Chili?" Nope. "Saffron?" Nuh-uh. "Sumac?" Nada. "Sand?" Why would you guess that?

"Paprika?" Finally! The alpaca looked at them happily, sticking out her tongue. The then somehow... Extended? her neck, surrounding the two frankly startled sheep.

She then ensnared them in her titanium-grade grip, before leading into another hug.

Pom and Mop just went along with her until, quite suddenly, Pom yelled out, "'Oi! I know yew from somewhere!...Where..." Mop and Paprika looked at each other and shrugged. Neither of them spoke a word, but what was implied was something along the lines of: "Is she always like this?" "Yes, but don't tell her."

* * *

*Flashback, Just before Chapter 1

_Why did I have to outburst like that? Why do I have to go and compete in this tournament for this? I shouldn't have opened my big mouth at all back there..._

Her pups were still largely out of control. No reason to go wasting precious energy on rounding them up, just as long as they stay close enough for her to see them.

A few sprites, the- servants?- of the reindeer flew past. Nothing to worry about, just call the pup-

Suddenly, a familiar yellow face popped out of the nearby bushes! She was running so fast that Pom was spun quite off her heels.

Seeing this yellow thing running after these sprites, the pups gave chase towards the yellow alpaca as well as the sprites, towards Reine city!

Suddenly, Pom felt a huge sense of tiredness at the new detour the dogs created for her...

* * *

"Yes, ye led me on a whild goose chase through half of Foenum to find ma dogs again!"

Paprika just giggled some more.

Flabbergasted by this ungulate's laughing, Pom continued, "Stoppit! Do ye 'ave any kinda sympathy? Don't ye know what kinda trouble ye gave me?"

The latter started laughing with a greater intensity, eyes opening wide. Mop stared at the two confusedly.

Seeing this, Pom stopped her tirade, suddenly uncomfortable. "Uhh... Maybe not. Howzabout we... uh... get back to our picnic, eh? That's a good idea!"

Paprika didn't respond. She just continued laughing, eyes crossing and gyrating around at odd angles, not even seeming to be remotely connected. Almost at an instant, she did a short hop, and leaned forward confidently.

"✡︎⚐︎🕆︎🕈︎✌︎☠︎☠︎✌︎☝︎⚐︎✍︎☹︎☜︎❄︎💧︎☝︎⚐︎✏︎"

She rushed towards Pom at a breakneck pace.

Pom felt she was going to have a pretty bad time here...

* * *

**Them's Fightin' ROUND 1/1**

**STAMPEDE!**

Wait, aren't you supposed to say fight?

**Oh.**

**Ready?**

**Fight!**

Not wanting to listen to the orders of this secondary disembodied voice, Pom just covered her head with her hooves and crouched down, hoping for the best.

Paprika on the other hand, was listening to the orders with a passion. She launched into a flurry of fluffy attacks, all of which were blocked. Realizing that that approach option was out, Paprika shifted her attention to a different approach. She ran away.

Pom opened her eyes and looked around for her. "Wait, where did she-?" Suddenly noticing a shadow above her, Pom quickly ran out of the way. The alpaca bounced off the ground, apparently unharmed, and continued her attack. Finally landing a hit, Paprika used a bunch of inflating hair attacks in a string, ending off with Paprika apparently teleporting around her and smacking her around between these teleportations, Snoopy ping-pong style!

What?! Am I the only guy who watched a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving?!

Whatever. Hearing the commotion, Ruff stepped in to help Pom out. Seeing him join in gave Pom a small amount of courage. But it was enough! Pom immediately hid behind her faithful companion like a wimp. 

For some reason, while under attack, Ruff actually decided to listen to Pom's frantic orders. "Yip, yip! Bite 'em! Sic' em!"

Keeping away from Paprika became a much easier task. In fact, Paprika was now frantically... making a shirt? Throwing a picnic basket on the ground? Running around in circles?

Nothing that Pom couldn't handle. Hopefully. Jumping all over the place, blocking the vast majority of Paprika's attacks, Pom found herself in an advantage state for the majority of the fight! All she had to do was herd her puppy in the right areas, all while dodging quickly and getting in hits when she could, and blocking any attacks that get too close. It was- actually pretty confusing, but it worked for her, so no matter. 

Finally! Courage! Pom reveled in this newfound feeling, strikes and calls getting more confident as the match continued.

Pom continued her attack, as Paprika left a sizable opening with her thrown potted cactus failure. Rushing forwards, she jumped and waved her legs wildly below her, catching Paprika very off guard. While Pom was fighting this opponent, she continued thinking about the other ungulates who chose to be Key Seekers. In fact, she actually ran into a couple of them...

_Is this what these "Key Seekers" were looking for when they were called? The ability to defend their home, with all that they've got? They're... better than me. Much better. They chose to go on the mission,_

"Here, boy!"

_I didn't._

"Go away!"

_Even now, yes I'm fighting..._

"To me, laddie!"

_I'm just doing this in self defense._

"Sic' 'im lad!"

_Just like this scatterbr- Wait, SHE'S FIGHTING IN SELF DEFENCE!_

She suddenly snapped out of her thoughts, finding herself holding Ruff in her hooves, almost swinging him down on the poor llama clone. She looked thoroughly beat, tongue hanging out, yellow fluff strewn everywhere imaginable, pleading eyes looking at this sheep who had given her a worse beatdown than that cow from a couple of weeks ago.

Pom fell to her knees and started to cry. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Ruff stayed near her, licking her, attempting to console her as much as possible. Mop simply went to Paprika to see if there was anything he could do.

 _**GAINED INSTANT REGRET!** _ _+1 Sorrow +6 Remorse. Wow, you really did an oopsie._

Pom continued to cry, intermittently adding an "I'm sorry..." into the mix. The beaten down Paprika looked on in sorrow, then lay down in front of her, and rested her hoof under Pom's chin. Picking her head up so the two mammals could stare into each other eyes, Paprika gave the lamb a large, dumb kiss on the nose, then lay back, laughing. All fluff lost was now completely grown back. Wrapping Pom in her back rug, Paprika started her own therapy session with the sheep.

"👎︎⚐︎✡︎⚐︎🕆︎😐︎☠︎⚐︎🕈︎☟︎⚐︎🕈︎❄︎⚐︎😐︎☠︎✋︎❄︎✍︎"

"Huh?""Huh?"

The alpaca pulled out two knitting needles from her newly reformed fluff. She started to knit quickly, forming a little sweater quickly. Then she threw Pom a couple of knitting needles, both of which bounced off her nose harmlessly.

Nudging Pom a little, she picked up the needles off the ground and gently handed it to her instead.

Pom smiled, pulling some wool off of a nearby tree. She started knitting something herself, Paprika looking on with interest.

* * *

Pom was asleep, sitting atop Paprika. Both she and Mop were on the move, to somewhere safer. They were still in close proximity to the prison, so getting out was a top priority for them.

Mop whispered to his companions, "Where are we goin' noaw?"

Pom snored, Ruff yawned, and Paprika just shrugged. Mop sighed, knowing that this was just the beginning...

"By the way, what did Pom knit? She seemed excited about it."

Paprika just smiled, taking a look at the new necklace she had gained from her encounter.

 _**GAINED FRIENDSHIP NECKLACE!** _ _+1 cute -1 Instant regret. Happy alpaca best alpaca. All wounds healed. Not literally though._

* * *

The two zebras sat in silence around the hearth. The only thing heard was the light whimpering of the foal as his mother calmed him.

Eventually, the mother inquired, "What's wrong little one? Still thinking about what you have done?" in her soothing, heavy voice.

The little zebra looked at his mother, searching for compassion in her face. Finding it quickly, he sighed and began his story. "I was so sure I... I KNEW I saw something... I knew I saw a black spirit... giant teeth... huge claws." The warning given to him. It said,

T̴̩̤̣͕͙͓̰̤͈̖̭̃̇̏͆̓͋̒͐̇͋͠H̵͔̣̱̞̪̮̼͇̆͋̑͛̂̀̍̕̕͠Ë̶̳̻̥̯͎͙̲̱͇͔́͒͂̈́̽̓̂̈́͐̇̈́̚ ̴̞͍̫͖̜͚̋̆̑̅̅̔̃͐͐̿̈̃͝͠͝P̴̛̛͚͙̦͈͎̺̞̼̻͎̈́̂́̈̄͆̍̍̊͘R̵͖̲͈̥̊͜Ḛ̶̘͐̊̐͗̉͋͑̂̀D̵̺̪̰͎̮̲̙͚͊͛̿̾́̆̎͆̽̐ͅA̵̠̯͂T̶̬̲̝̜͕̥̻̗͚̗̤͓̜̼̆͌̅̊̈́͝Ơ̶̡̭̲̩̝̦͈̠̟͊̊̊̈̕̕͝R̴̨̡̞̼̰̬̖̭̹͚̬̂͛͜S̸̡̛̤̩̫̞̘̟͔̰̩̀́͒͂̿̈́̈́͆̂̚͘͠͠ ̶̬̯̞̥̪̥͕̬͚͍͖̳͍̲̈́̾̒̅͑̍̊̀͋̈́͜R̷̡̛̛̛̳̺̼̲̬̙͎̩͉͓͇̟͉̖̐̑̎͝E̵͓̬͇̯̟̦̺͕͘Ţ̶̭͙̫̖̈́͂͂͛͊͑̓́͠͝U̸̧̼͂̇̌̓̆̉̂͑͌̕͘̚̕R̶̡̨̗̪̣̳̲͑̆N̷̨̨͔̤͓͍̱̯̹̠̟̣̉̒͜.̶̧̡̖͉̥͉̮͛̓̓̉̽̉̂͑̕ ̷̢͚͓̙͕͇͈͓̲͔̬̘̲̔͛̽̈́Ä̸̱̝̲̳̲̺̤̿͛̂̃N̴̢̡̮̻̮̳̬̭̏̓̇D̷͚͚̫̻̮̹͌̓̈́͗̔͒́̈́͂͆̓̑͛͝ ̸̹̗̩͕̗̮̟̻̰̘͆̓̕͘͘͝W̴̱̏͐̆͒̌͛̇̅̍E̸̫͓̦͒̐͛͌̈͛̍̿͋͝͠ ̶̧̖̩̲̫̭̗̻̩̖̯̻̯́̑͆͜Ŵ̶̗̫̹̦̩̠̮̺͍̦̜̤͂ͅĮ̸̨̬͔̳̙̬̆̏̓͗̓͑͊̇̈́̿Ļ̷̧͉̘̍̿͂͒͐̈́̈͋́͗̕̚Ļ̴͚̼͈̰̜͎̲͉̝̹̭͘ ̶̧̡̡͍̫͕̮̤̞̠͍͎̤͖̒͋͂̍͜B̸̡͎̣̤̌͊͋̈́̾̒͋͜͜͝͝Ę̵̧͈̱̳̙͚͚͍͚̖̯͐̎̎́͒͐̀ͅ.̴̛̦͚͍̙̝̺̠̓̊̾̈͂̇̑̋͌̓͂͝.̸̡̯̼̺͉̦̰̳͆̋.̸̧̢̼͓̦̦̘̩̗̰̜̘̤͛̔̿̌̆̍̓̿͋͊̒͆͗͠ͅ ̸̱̟̉̅͒̽͌H̴̥̞̻̔̍̄̽̂̈́͛̽̅͌̈͌̄͜U̷͔͓͇̥͉̻̰̿̏̈́̓̊̈̇̾ͅN̵̨̧̧̛̺̣̥̟͕͙̻̈͌̈́͆̇̊͗̃G̶̰̞̪̈́̋̓̄̋̕͝R̶̢̩̦̻̩̬̝̔͜͠Y̶̼͔̫͐͊̃͌͂̍̋̂̓̿͒̓̕͘.̷̧̢̟̯̰͔̩̮̋̂͌̉̾̈́͋̓̄͘̕ͅ

His mother seemed to know what he was thinking without him saying a word. "You know that something is very wrong, but you fear the cries from the throng?"

Ribbon nodded. His mother stayed thoughtful. "Well, if there are some who we can find, perhaps we could help the fates become intertwined."

Looking at his mother, Ribbon stayed a small distance away. She stood beside the fire, throwing a few blackened sticks into the embers. Suddenly, the fire roared to life once again. Several black orbs shot out of the center, flying to all corners of Foenum! "And now we will just have to wait," she continued.

~~"And if you ask how I did it, u w0t, m8?"~~

"Fly, orbs, and guide their fate."

The two looked at the last of the orbs disappearing under the horizon, knowing that their jobs were done, for now.

The predators have actually returned. And they are hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Am REALLY getting into this style.
> 
> As you may have noticed, I added collectibles into this chapter and previous ones. May make a list of them soon, but most of them have some sort of reference.  
> Paprika speaks in Wing ding, without spaces. Yes, all of her lines are completely translatable.  
> Little Undertale reference that's blatantly obvious.
> 
> See you soon. I'm gonna write a short Arizona substory to back this one up, in time for National Cow Appreciation Day. Until then, See you then, all 5 of you who care!


	6. When the trees turn into Ash Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our four "outlaws" go deeper into the woods to find the unicorns, only to miss and head towards the deer.

Yawning, Pom sat up from her bumpy napping spot. She was still sitting on Paprika, using her fleece as a mattress. Mop and Ruff were walking alongside them. Noticing Pom awake, Mop greeted the lamb.

"Giddae, Pom!"

"Giddae. Where are- *yawn*- we 'eadin?"

"Since we're in the woodlands, I thought it'd be best if we'd try tae find the unicorns. Mayhaps one o' them can 'elp out." He jestured towards the path they were traveling on.

"'Ow?"

Mop just shrugged, adding "Mayhaps they 'ave an enchantment that shows the truth, or some'at. They're the smartest of us ungulates, so there's no 'arm in tryin'."

*Note about unicorns from SPNQTTA unicorns: They're actually second smartest, but easily the most advanced out of all the ungulates, with lots of time for entertainment. Smartest is virtually tied between the Deer and the Zebras, both having great predicting skills and able to do most anything that comes to mind with their magic, even if they live simple lives.

Pom got off her makeshift bedding. Looking at the sun, it appeared to be about 9:00.

Paprika kept walking at a steady pace with a little bounce in her step. Now that Pom was standing and walking again, the going became a little easier for her. Only a little; she was also carrying her apparently bottomless picnic basket with her and was still particularly beat up from last night's kerfuffle.

They went on for about ten minutes in the light underbrush and on the path, when suddenly Ruff perked his ears up and barked towards a small clearing close by. In the center, was a black, floating orb.

The four stood stock still, jaws agape at the sight of this strange apparition, if it WAS an apparition. The orb sparkled, releasing a spiral of particles into the air which all fell down, disappearing as soon as they touched the ground. 

Paprika went nuts over it, dashing straight towards it with almost no regards to the wildlife and shrubbery she was disturbing. Mop scrappled in vain to try to get Paprika away from this unknown force, to no avail. She still ran forwards with her loopy running style, straight under the orb in question. Laughing as the orb showered more particles onto her, she spun around in a few tight circles before leaping up high to grab it.

Pom came rushing up to her. "Paprika! Whit're ye doin'?" Turning fearfully towards the orb, she continued. "We dinnae know what that does, or what'll happen if we move it, or- *Gasp*"

The orb popped free from Paprika's forehooves, and flew around Pom. Increasing in speed, it spun closer and closer to the sheep, until it was easily felt on her wool. It- tickled? Pom was suddenly subjected to a bout of laughter and a several seconds of tickling. Paprika watched with her same plastic smile, while Mop just looked confused. The dog, however, didn't feel the other's sense of joy. He sensed something... alive from it. Rushing forwards, the dog stood between Pom and the orb.

Pom just put her hoof on his head, keeping him from heading forwards in a rush. The orb circled him as well, although at more of a distance. Paprika joined in too. The orb circled them a couple more times, before launching itself directly at Pom, nearly knocking her head over hooves with the sheer force of the rush. It then shot up in the air about twenty feet, and swooped down like a falcon, attempting to ram her again. Fortunately, the quite easily scared sheep ducked under the attack, causing the orb to ram into the dog instead, launching him into the underbrush.

Okay, maybe not fortunately.

As the orb flew up again to try to strike the sheep, Mop took action. Jumping up to meet the orb in its decent, Mop did the best impression of a slam dunk he could, throwing all of his hoof weight onto it. The maneuver itself was actually pretty pathetic, but it did bring the orb back to earth, partially shattering it.

Pom stood up again, and rushed over to the orb. Grunting, she jumped up and kicked her legs multiple times in many angles under her, attempting to completely shatter the enemy orb. Surprisingly, all of her hits connected, and the orb burst into a spray of smaller blue and green orbs.

Pom and Paprika were the most interested in this out of the four. Paprika was delighted that she had more shiny things to play with, but Pom looked at it... more analytically. "Wait... Why did that black thingy burst intae all those blue and green thingys? Now there're e'en more o' 'em! Don't ye thi-"

She was cut short off by the smaller orbs, which flew into both herself and Paprika. Pom screwed her eyes shut, waiting for something to happen, then suddenly...She felt...really...good?! Wait, how did-

Even Paprika seemed to look better, all of her bruises and scrapes from last night's bout being completely reversed, not a single scratch or tuft of hair lost anymore. Both of them seemed rather confused, Paprika looking herself over, neck extending to insane lengths to look at every last inch of herself. Pom simply gained a resurgence of power flowing through her entire body, from head to dewclaws. 

Mop looked both of them over, asking, "Whit 'appened?!"

"Ah think 'twas th' orb that caused this!"

*Note: ORLY

"Well... We'd better keep out a sharp eye fer more o'them. 'ey might be useful, if we ken get 'em under control."

Pom shook her head. "Wi'out the 'elp o' some range, I wouldnae risk it. Another reason tae get to the unicorns."

"Whit're we waitin' fer? Let's go!"

They all climbed onto Paprika's back, even Ruff, who had scrambled out of the underbrush a few seconds ago. "Com'on, Paprika, Go, go, go!"

Running like the wind, Paprika took them for a joyride deeper into the forest.

* * *

She ran for a good fifteen minutes without tiring. She didn't seem phased at all, even with the branches hitting her head. Her fluff provided cushioning for if she did hit something, but for most of the time, she was in her element, running like the wind.

The three on her back weren't having the greatest time, though. Bouncing up and down on the back of the furry rollercoaster, all they could really do was hold on, being unable to tell her to slow down or do any other action other than "Run faster."

Paprika would have probably have carried on further, if it weren't for her running straight into a stone wall.

A couple of tall, thin legged ungulates heard the loud, cartoony "thonk." "What's goin' on over theya?" "I dunno. Let's go check it out!" Rushing over to see the damage done to the wall, the new ungulates suddenly noticed the sheep, dog, and alpaca.

The backsheep drivers looked up at their, say-per-say helpers. Paprika, just sat there with a dumb smile on her face. In front of them, a pair of fawns, whitetails, stood by, waiting for them to get up.

Mop looked at Pom with a frown on his muzzle, and simply asked, "Weren't we supposed to turn left again after that leetle clearin'?"

One of the deer's ears twitched. The owner of the ear added, "To get to the unicorns?"

"Yes!" Pom exclaimed. "How did ye know?!"

The twitchy ear deer, who was now noted as a doe, gasped, before moving into a shy stance. "Sorry... that happens sometimes...But it's soooooo cool, right?!" She immediately brightened up at this. Her companion, a buck, just sighed and shook his head.

"My sister is pretty proud of that skill. Pretty wicked, right?"

Pom just looked at them. Both of them seemed friendly enough. Awkwardly segwaying into a greeting, she asked them for their names, which turned out to be Ash and Aspen, sister and brother.

"So... Where are we? This isn't the Deep Woodlands."

Aspen obliged. "You're in Tanoak. More tuh-wards the edge of these woodlands. Aprishyate yuh comin' by."

Mop tried to explain the situation. "Uhhh… we actually weren't trying to visit the unicorns persay… but... I guess I'm glad to be here."

Trying his best to be friendly to these fawns, he continued, "So, um... tell us a leetle bit about ye! Who are ye in the grand scheme of things 'ere?"

Ash smiled. "We're the children of the leadah of this place, Rowan Tanoak. We try tah make a livin' out he-ah. And, well... We've gone done pretty well, if I do say so myself," she stated, turning towards the humble village. "I don't know about YOU, but I think Bramble fixed this place right up straight!"

The sheep had to agree. All of the homes were made of a, as the young deer would refer to it, cunnin' sort a' cobblestone. Even with branch roofs and mostly bark floors, the deer seemed to be almost as architecturally sound as the sheep. They even had a large commonhouse in the center, where presumably their ruler lived. Ruff could have cared less, as he was gently licking Paprika's face, with the same stupid expression plastered onto it.

Pom continued asking questions, just to pass the time. "So, uh, Aspen? You're... the son of whoever's rulin' this place?"

"Yes, myself an' my sis are both part of the Whitetail's royal family! Wone day, we'll be accepted as prince and princess, but now? I'm just okay with chillin'."

Ash was in total agreement. "Yeah, bein a ruler's fine an' all, but ya know what? I wanted to be fightin'!"

Mop looked on in interest. "Fightin', ye say? Well, noaw, ma friend here almost went on a journey to do just that!"

Excitedly turning towards Pom, Ash suddenly bombarded her with questions. "Really?! You did?! When?! How?! Who?! Howdya win?! Did you get really hurt?! Was there blood?! Did your dog do the dirty work?!

"Well?"

Could you say that again, slower, mebbe?

Uh... Yes? 

[*Confused sheep noises* ]

"Well, Ah'll just staht ovah… again... oh... You never got ta go? Because the predators were a hoax? And- you were happy about that?"

Mop just rolled his eyes, muttering to himself "Well, I did just say _almost..._ " 

Ash looked down at her hooves sadly. Aspen looked thoughtful, though. "You would rather stay to defend your home than face more danger, unnecessarily? That's Christly kind o' you. My fathah would be proud ta know ye. Would you like to see him?"

Mop immediately shouted the affirmative to Aspen, who nodded. Paprika, who was still dazed, had no official say in the matter. 

"And you, Pom?" Ash asked, sullenly.

Sure! 

[Hold on...]

Turning to the left, Pom went to check on her supplies. Nothing out of the ordinary.

She spotted a lone deer, sitting on a little stony outcrop over a little ways over south. She decided to head over there. Ash and Aspen looked on, but didn't seem to mind.

Sitting down next to him, Pom felt a twinge of pain stem from him, only to be replaced with one of warmth.

"Huh. You aren't around here, are you?" Even he seemed surprised at the sound of his own voice. "I was like you once. Judging from your clothing, you've been through a lot. I don't blame you. You wanted to try something new, maybe unintentionally, and something went wrong. That's okay. You'll bounce back. You're still young, and have a lot to learn about this cruel world. Whatever happens though, just don't give up hope, like I did. It's... nice to talk to someone in this fleeting world. Here. Take this as a token of my appreciation."

_**GAINED THE CEREMONIAL GARB!** _ _+4 Gold +6 Element. A ceremonial chestplate-like thing. Imbued with six different jewels. Somehow familiar._

"Th-thank you, mister!" Pom added.

The deer just shook his head sagely. "No need for that. I've run my course, time for you to run yours. Maybe if you head to the king of this place, the Tanoak, you can get some headers. Goodbye. And with that, the deer turned, and headed into the deeper woods."

Ash had grown bored of this situation, turning to try and wake Paprika up, but Aspen looked at Pom with intense, radiant, calm satisfaction. "You really are, an element of kindness..."

*To Be Continued

Wait, seriously?! Why though?! We were doing great here! Tell them, Announcer!

**Yeah, we were!**

*Sorry. It just flows better.

Fine... 

**Fine...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to include Tianhuo without making the quartet go to the volcano, mostly because of the fact that we don't KNOW where the volcano is in relation to the woodlands. Didn't work out...so ...... That'll happen later. I DID say "at least," right?
> 
> Also, yes. This is a two parter. More stuff will be introduced, but I just felt there was enough for one, right here.


	7. When the trees turn into Ash Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in the deer village, and directions to the Unicorns. What could go wrong?

The five ungulates headed towards the large house near the north part of the town. Well, four of them. Paprika was still out for the count, but at least she started laughing again.

As they were walking, the two sheep were amazed by the general life of the deer. They looked peaceful, much more peaceful than the panicky sheep.

Mop in particular marveled at the large gardens in front of every house in the area. Flowering plants of all sorts lined fences, trellises, and walls. Shrubbery of all sorts lined the path they were walking on. "How'd you do all a' this? The sheeple ne'er had alla this!"

Ash explained this time. "Like 'e said before, Bramble did a wicked great job fixin' this place up! He's even made room for most of the houses he-ah to have a great big door yard."

Also surprised, Pom asked some of her own questions. "But how did 'e get alla this planted? Did the owners o' the 'ouses do this?"

"Yeh, over the past couple'a years, they 'have. Although, ours isn't exactly in prime condishin. Wheneva' wee trah to do the same thing, a bunch a' weehds pop up instead."

Nodding, Mop finished, tacking on, "Ah, gardening. Never did like it, that's fer sure."

Giving a quizzical look, Aspen inquired, "Gardenin'? Oh, wee don't dew that 'ere."

"Then 'ow d'you dew it? I dinnae," Pom wondered, with a similar face.

Ash perked up a bit, explaining, "Ayuh, I doubt ya did. Ya don't have any sortah mahjic, eh? Well, watch this!" Ash suddenly focused her head towards the ground. A few tufts of fur stood up on her neck, which glowed with a lime green glow. Several dark green vines with smallish black leaves shot up in front of the place where her head was bowed. These vines then twisted, shaping into a small cage like structure, complete with a little swing on the inside. Focusing more, she loosened all of the vines, hair turning more of a reddish hue, and sank them all back into the ground, with nary a scratch on the surface to show any plants had grown on the path they were standing on.

Pom and Mop looked panicky about the fact that this deer, and probably other deer too, could grow random vines out of the ground, seemingly at will. Paprika, who was now completely conscious, just clapped while still laying on her back, right where they left her. She then ran off to the south, passing the rock where the down-on-his-luck deer was sitting moments ago.

Ash reassured them that nothing would go wrong, and that the vines were completely under her control. "The only way they'll do anything is if I tell 'em tah do something. And they won't. Ugh..." She trailed off, apparently disappointed with her show.

Aspen looked on sadly. "Ash really wanted a plant that reflected her personality... Is this what she wanted? I don't think so. Could just be me, though."

"Personality?"

Ash was about to speak, but then Aspen explained for her. "The plants used in a deeah's magic, reflect their personality. Nothing to great, but ya know how it goes. Fer example, my plant is a rose. Soft, tender, but if ya get too close, it'll 'urt. Mah sister 'ere just gotta buncha weeds for 'ers. She wahnted some sorta orchid or somethin'. But the forces a' nature don't lah, ayuh. It'll work out."

Clearly downhearted, Ash just muttered "Ayuh…" before walking in silence. Pom walked over to comfort the deer,

Only to be struck full force by Paprika, who had just came in from the north. Pom was flung into the ground, where her face was met with... a bunch of vines? Looking at Ash, she could faintly make out the same green glow on her neck. Just barely, as most of it was hidden under Paprika's fluff. Paprika planted a few kisses on the doe's head, before putting her into a knitted sweater with a little heart on the front.

Surprisingly, Ash seemed to appreciate this gesture, as she snuggled fondly in it. Pom, on the other hand, did not feel like cuddling the vines that had partially ensnared her in her attempt to leave. Noticing her struggling, Ash released her, unceremoniously dumping her in front of her, and sank the vines back into the ground. Then she tossed her head, motioning towards the north part of the village. 

* * *

The town of Tanoak was a small one, about as small as the sheep. But what it lacked in size it made up in effort. Upon further inspection, the houses were way more sturdy than anything the sheep had to offer. Not a single stress line, bulge, or explosion hole was visible in any one of the houses' walls.

"Um..."

"Whazza mattah, Still winded?"

Snapping out of whatever she was in, Pom looked up and drew in her breath sharply. "Huh? Oh, uh... I, er, just w-w-wanted to... uh, say hello to the deer here? There's no real rush... Right?"

The others nodded in agreement, then formed a single line behind... Her? Gulp. Why her? "Because yeh wanted to sahy hello, we'll just stand back and let ya do your stuff. Don't worry, we'll be nearby. Heh. Just be warned, though. Some of these are pretty willin' to share their weeps and wails with you." With Pom now in the lead, the five mammals headed to the north, where they could clearly see fifteen houses lining either side of the way over to ~~the next screen.~~ an intersection, splitting the town into two main sides.

Most of the deer were sitting in their front gardens near the path, just enjoying life as it was. Interestingly enough, about 80 percent of the deer passed were does. Not necessarily surprising, but definitely interesting. 

The first deer they passed called out a hearty greeting. "G'mornin'! Lovely day for a walk, and visiting new places, eh?" Pom had to agree; she hadn't had this much fun excitement in her life. Mop was indifferent. The deer continued. "My Thorn's over helping near the Sheep. The poor things, you would know, right? One of their criminals escaped, and is running loose! They might even be nearby! Isn't that scary to think about?" Pom simply smiled, and stepped backwards slowly. The deer children just laughed as they backed away.

"Um..."

"What's wrong, Pom?"

"Weel, I... Ah'm not that great with speakin' wi' others. I wanna 'ear what they haf tae say, but... I'm not sure I could handle talkin' tae them."

Aspen nodded understandably. "I feel ya. I was never a 'social butterflah' or whatever they're cah-lled. Here's a tip. If ya wanna listen to what someone has to say, just cock yer head over to one side. Like this. He then demonstrated this on the next household. Seeing him do the motion, the doe in front immeadiately replied, "Sheep? That's new! Welcome to Tanoak!"

"A'ight. Like this?" Pom tilted her head towards the path.

A buck was passing by at that time. He responded, "Is that the prince and princess behind you? Must be an honor to be escorted by them, Huh?" Ash blushed deeply, bubbling a "thank you." Aspen showed almost no emotion, but a single rose did bloom right next to the path.

Confident that this new form of communication would work, Pom and co. headed continued on their journey, striking a "conversation" with almost everyone they passed.

The next, sitting in a yard full of beautiful orchids, simply said, "I like cinnamon almost as much I like the smell of orchids in the morning. What do you say about that?"

"Um... What's cinnamon?" Mop inquired.

The orchid doe's pupils shrank down twice as small, before she launched into a tirade about cinnamon, while Paprika provided visuals, holding up the spice in question and various foods relating to it, as well as drawing on the chalkboard with her tail. This went on for a good thirty seconds, before all of the troupe became tired of this tirade, and left.

"Nice clothes. the only time I've ever seen anything that orange is during the fall. Where'd you get them?" "Uh... I got it fer free at a big ol' building." "REALLY?! CAN I GET ONE?!" "Sure. Jis' go tae the sheep and steal a dog, then turn yerself in. Then, let law enforcement do the rest." "Thanks! I'll go right now!" "Wait wha-"

"Who's the banana? What's a banana?" "*Grunting noises, then giggles*"

"Awwww! He's so cute! Can I pet him?" "Sure! Just be gent-" "No, not the dog, the ram!" "M-me?" "Yes, you!"

"Are you a tree hugger too? There's a club with some of the adults, and they talk over tea every morning over at the northwest part of this town. They even get a cute badge! Sorta wish I could join, do you think I could?" |[Yeah, Totally!] What? Um...| "Really? Thanks! In fact, I'll ask to join today! Bye!"

"*Something derogatory about reindeer*" "*Agreement noises*"

The next one looked up for a few seconds. After some silence, she asked, "Have you seen Bramble lately? He's been pretty sad lately, you know. He sits every day on the rock at the very south of the town. I worry for him."

"Don't be worried, Thistle. Our friend here, Pom-" At this, Aspen gave the ewe a nudge with his shoulder. "-somehow managed to cheer 'im up. He left fer the deeper forest some time ago, but I have a feelin' that he'll just need some time."

Thistle sighed with relief. "Thank you, um, Pom. He's been feeling down ever since... well..." She trailed off again, staring into the forest again. Pom was about to ask for more, but Mop stopped her. "Lookit 'er. She's clearly upset. I dinnae think we shoulds press this any further. Let's jis keep goin'."

Pom and company continued, but Pom was lost in thought. She still heard them's fightin' words, but was still thinking bout how she had gotten into this mess. The rest of the first block passed in blur, with Paprika humming happily behind them all, the deer siblings keeping watch as they continued, and Mop carrying the tired Ruff on his back. She tilted her head automatically, only barely listening to the sounds of the herd around her.

"Huh. Have you heard of this other fighting tournament that happens every four to seven years? There's a poster for it. Anyone who fights in it gets a lot of attention and is well known, usually. I'm looking into it, but I don't think anyone but the original Key Seekers have any chance of being in there."

"It's a lovely day to walk down the road, and if I ever stop singing his lawn will be mowed!"

"Heh. I made a bet with that guy over there that if he has so sing for the rest of the day or else I'm gonna force him to mow my lawn. It's only fair!"

"My children are growing up strong. Someday, they will be able to use plant magic as well. That's when I'm gonna start worrying."

At least, until they reached the young buck standing at the intersection.

"Heading to the king's home? Just keep heading north. Doesn't matter which path you take, it'll take you to him either way. Just like my marriage. Speaking of which, I should really-"

None of the ungulates were listening; they were all running on the path on the right, making a beeline towards the large house up north.

* * *

While they were running, Pom decided to ask, "So why did ye decide to build a town on a grand ol' lake?"

Aspen looked at Pom strangely. He curtly replied, "How else are we gonna get water?"

Mop immediately spoke up in Pom's defence. "Oh, we sheep collect rainwater when it rains, and use it for things like growing crops!"

"Hey, that's pretty smart!" Ash looked genuinely impressed by the sheep's method of water usage. "I guess that's the best method if they don't hah-ve a river or lake or somethin'."

Paprika ran in front, then suddenly stopped, leading the rest of the troupe to smack into her fluffy butt. Her neck extended, then flopped on the floor. After a few seconds of sniffing, she stood up quickly and stuck her neck in the direction of the leader's house, barking. Ruff did the same.

The house, as mentioned before, was a large one. Dark green vines and roses littered the front yard, but a path from the gateway to the doorway was clearly visible. Pom took a deep breath in, before heading to the door. That is, she would have, if Paprika didn't knock her over. Being helped up by both Ruff and Mop, Pom took the step into the next chapter of this unfortunate misadventure.

Head into the house and advance the story?

Yeah? 

[Wait!] 

* * *

Pom headed back on the left path, for no particular reason. There, she found a totally non-suspicious shed in the middle of nowhere. Opening it, she found a single note: Don't come into my shed! Oh wait, you're already in it. Well, now that you're here, take that hat over there and don't come back. Capiche? Capiche.

_**GAINED THE FEDORA!** _ _+2 Bluegrass +3 Actual Blue. Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory._

* * *

When the ungulates finally got past the front door, the first thing the sheep did was admiring the hallway. Filled with regal banners, decorum from all ages of deer history, some helmet that was randomly sitting on a chair...

_**GAINED THE BARREL HELM!** _ _+2 Antlers +1 Giant tin can. Parry this, casual. Oh wait, this game doesn't have parries._

The sheep were completely awestruck by the immense amount of history these deer had. Certainly more than what they dealt with. Ash and Aspen stood nearby, the sister with a smug look and the brother with a neutral one. They then basically carried the sheep over their backs, to their father's chambers.

The chambers were equally as regal, a large tapestry hanging off the wall, looming stack of bookshelves, and large homespun bed with the king in it. Clad in a ceremonial chestplate, very similar to the one Pom now owned, he looked every inch a ruler of deerkind.

All Pom and Mop could do was bow. Paprika just drooled a little, before faceplanting into the floor.

"Hi, Dad!"

"Hello, Ash. I see you've brought some visitors with you. Well, I don't suppose you're here for a simple visit, so make yourself comfortable. Sit down! I'll get some coffee."

The king stood up, standing almost twice as tall as the young sheep, and taller than Paprika, if she didn't constantly stretch out her neck. He walked casually out of the room, large antlers not really getting in the way, surprisingly.

"Isn't he jus' the best?"

"Yeah."

Paprika continued to faceplant while the rest of the cast got themselves slightly more comfortable. Pom actually took the time to change into the ceremonial garb, not noticing she was still waring her prison outfit underneath. Ruff started to sleep during all of this, getting many pets from Ash, who was surprisingly gentle with him, given her more raucous nature.

Only a couple of minutes later, the Tanoak returned. Rowan shifted, making the little mugs on his back tinkle a little.

"Here we are. Now, what seems to be ailing you sheeple? What brings you here, friends?"

Mop spoke for both of them. "We wanna find the unicorns, Great Tanoak, but we, uh... missed and got here instead."

"I see. Also, please, call me Rowan. Simple mistake actually. Tanoak is the...ceremonial title for me."

Pom suddenly spit a bit, angrily shouting, "What the heck is this stuff?!"

"Biscotti. Why?"

"More like 'n anchor used to moor ships o'er at Reine. What doo ye put in 'ere? Steel?"

"I think you're supposed to dip it," Mop offered.

Paprika drank all of the coffee at once. That's... not good, right? She started shaking rapidly, but other than that, fortunately, nothing else completely out of the ordinary for her happened.

Rowan didn't seem to notice, or at least care. "Ah. You said that you wanted to go the the unicorns, no?" he offered. "Here's a map of the woodlands and the surrounding areas. This should guide you to them." He...uh... Hoofed? Them the map of the woodlands, which clearly outlined the way to the unicorns, as well as the Volcano, and the Highlands.

"Um..."

"What is it?" the Tanoak asked, in the same regal tone as before.

"Uh...Never mind."

Good for them, the Tanoak didn't press further. He simply helped them to their feet, then helped them out of his massive abode.

Well, at least Pom was happy they could get on their way. And Paprika, but that's a given. Mop looked rather sad at their departure, as did Ash, who had an unreadable expression on her face as she led them out of the town. Several deerfolk waved at them as they left, Pom and co waving back.

Finally, just as the sun was saying it was about 4:15, the seven of them were standing at the edge of the deer territory. Waving goodbye, Pom, Mop, and Ruff got on the back of Paprika, who near immediately started running faster than she had ever ran before, nearly shaking them off. Ash and Aspen turned back to head home, while the Tanoak made sure that his guests at least left home safely.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the deer from earlier, the one who jumped out of the first story building, ran over to his king. He mouthed something to him, then waited for his response.

The Tanoak stood up and headed back to his chambers to process what this deer had just said. The deer headed back into the underbrush, then into a green trashcan, awaiting orders.

* * *

The caffeine rush worn off fully, Paprika was now snoring like a- Baby? Bear?...Baby bear. She was snoring like a baby bear. The others were simply sitting around , trying to figure out the quickest route to the unicorns. Out of the underbrush, a very familiar deer burst out.

Upon noticing the crash, Ruff started growling. Noticing this, Pom rested a single hoof on his backside in an attempt to calm him. Mop elected himself interigator. "Ash?! Why're you here?"

"You're in trouble. They found you!" Ash sputtered breathlessly.

Pom looked up from Ruff. "Who?"

"The police and the sheep who framed you! We have to go, NOW." The top of Ash's head started to glow an amber color.

"Wait, how did you-"

"Just follow me!" Ash pulled Paprika onto her back and started to head towards the path that the sheep started to outline on their map.

"Okay but-"

Ash wasn't listening. She simply repeated, "We need to get out of here!" before ushering them back into the forest, conveniently just before the popo showed up.

* * *

Back on the savannah, the center flame was back to its orange hue. Nothing was out of the ordinary; the zebras were just going about their lives again. First an ember, but soon the entire center hearth turned a blue hue. Several of the zebras looked at the fire, fearing for the worst. One zebra wasn't phased, though.

To them, this meant that the orbs had done their jobs. Every time one of them broke, the fire would turn blue as some of the magic given returned to its creator. 

To her, she knew that her orbs had done their duty, and now she could rest for a short time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Oleander next.


	8. But before Oleander...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some villain stuff!

"How... Much... Further, guys?"

"I have no idea, but Mabel said we should probably get to the prison and help with the search. Besides, he wanted that sheep TAKEN CARE OF. We're posing as guards for a REASON, Trash, er, Bohl. Once we've finished with the sheep side of the operation, we can help the others. Now shut up, and look presentable for the search! It's almost 5:15."

"Gonna have to agree with him there. You've done nothin' but complain. Now SHUT UP, before I- Oh. We're here."

The three sheep opened up the door to the guards post, where they changed into their slightly armored guards uniforms, nodding to some guards, muttering a "hi" at others.

The three immediately headed for the line of officers, heads high, awaiting orders. 

"Orders. Two, for all intents and purposes, but not really, dangerous criminals have escaped from the premises. Chops, Black, you're in charge of scouring the area. Bohl, try to alert the nearby communities about them. We don't want them to be afraid of these dangerous criminals." The chief stopped.

"Huh. Maybe... we should ask them to help, as-"

"Of course. Bohl, you're in charge of that as well. Dismissed."

"But you didn't-"

"DISMISSED."

* * *

"Chops" and "Black" did scour the area, quite quickly finding the escape route again. Now tasked by both their boss and the chief, they scrutinized every detail of the scene.

"They definitely dug out of past the first part a' the wall. Then after that, they were...pulled out?"

"'Ow cen yew tell?"

"The spot where they ended was little more than a tiny, barely burrowed out hole. They were pulled out! That means, there was a fifth person on the outside waitin' to pull em out! Judgin' from these tracks, it must've been... some kinda pred?"

"A pred?! But they're still sealed up, right?"

"Should be. Don't see why they shouldn't...but...This is bad. Should we-"

"No, our job is to find the suspects."

"But if they're dead-"

"What if they aren't?"

"THEY WERE MAULED BY A BEAR"

THEY WEREN'T MAULED BY THE BEAR

"There's always the possibility. And until I personally can report to Boss that she's dead, she ain't dead. C'mon. Let's keep looking. Follow those tracks, and see where they lead."

The angel's advocates packed up and left for the direction of Paprika's large pawprints.

* * *

_Okay... Who's the closest? The deer, huh? Better head there first._ Bohl had chosen to take along the rookie Trash, at request of the warden. 

Yes, that means he's taking out the trash.

He didn't care about the others, he mostly just wanted to see justice served. Protecting the sheep and surrounding communities was no small part time job. I suppose that made him a pretty bad sheep, but who cares.

He was completely focused on the job at hand. Get to the deer, let them know about this. Although, he did take a bit of time to listen to the clear, almost musical noises of the outer woodlands. The streams, the birds, the crickets, the trash talking, all very relaxing. 

Suddenly, he stopped. He lifted up his hatted head up and sniffed the air once or twice. Trash, on the other hand, bumped into his higher up's butt.

"Someone's here. Trash, stay behind me."

A deer emerged from the other end of the path. He held up his hoof in greeting, then saluted.

"Member of the White Guard, reporting for duty!" he shouted.

Officer Bohl relaxed, as did Trash, who started muttering under his breath.

"Officer Bohl, I presume?"

"Correct," the sheep affirmed. "What is yours?"

"Ever. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

Bohl nodded. Trash talked into his walkie-talkie.

"What are you here for? The sheepolice hardly ever head to other communities."

"Dangerous criminals. They've escaped from the prison, and are now possibly headed to nearby communities. We just want to give the rundown on them to each of them."

"Ah, okay. If you tell them to me, I will alert the other guard members and our Tanoak."

"Really? Fine, fine. Let me write it down for you."

"Go ahead. I can wait."

* * *

_Report: Three sheep and one sheep dog escaped from that one prison over there. Only one is dangerous, the other three are only mildly dangerous._

_Demoram: 130 cm. tall. Black coat, brown eyepatch. Likes seeing things explode. Has a really strong Scottish accent. Surprisingly a nice guy if he doesn't strap you to a stick of dynamite. Probably drunk. Mercenary. Blew up Malaysia._

_Pom: 103 cm. tall. White coat, bell around neck, hair that looks like a pompom. Has a Scottish accent. One year old. Extremely skittish, unless someone is harming her dog. Arrested for stealing dogs and now is being chased for escaping prison. Obviously._

_Mop: 101 cm. tall. White coat, messy hair, white smock. Has a very mild Scottish accent. One year old. Even more skittish than Pom. Dressed up as a nurse to get Pom out. Currently his only offense._

_Ruff. 29 cm. tall. Black and white coat, unkept fur, probably a predator, collar without a tag. Will do anything to protect Pom. Not technically dangerous. If you have a shotgun. If you don't, run._

_Travelling in a team. Also stole some clothing articles, including stripping an officer. Wanted alive. Because dead isn't cool._

* * *

"Here. This should tell you almost everything you need to know."

Ever grabbed the sheet with his cloven hoof. "Thank you. Now, I must report to by commander. He would be interested in helping find these creatures. Good day."

Waving goodbye, Bohl continued to walk on the trodden path, in the direction of the unicorns in the deep woodlands.

Trash, on the other hoof, was writing things down and talking silently into his earpiece. 

How many audio devices does he have?

Ever walked away slowly. He had time. His kin were only about twenty miles away.

* * *

About quarter past 4. Not bad, made good time for just walking. Even had time to get lunch and rest for the night.

He headed for the stone gate leading to the Tanoak's quarters, realizing that something had changed. Part of the wall was dented, about five inches in. He quickly regained his composure and headed towards the crater.

Out of nowhere, he got slammed into, with a force greater than anything he had ever felt. It knocked him clear over the wall, into the bushes on the other side.

Meanwhile, the Tanoak was waving our four protagonists goodbye. Crawling out of the bushes, Ever headed straight for his king and pulled him aside.

"Oh. Ever, was it? How can I help you?" The Tanoak casually asked.

"With this." He pulled up the report and held it up. "Four individuals. All dangerous. Three sheep, one sheepdog. Escapees from Sheep federal prison."

"Hmm? Hm. I see. I will mention this... at... you know. I believe they were just here, but they didn't seem to be dangerous at all. Just gave them directions to the Unicorns, as well. However, if they are escapees, We must bring them back. I will call the rest of the guard. Take the rest of today and tomorrow off. I know you've been tired lately." With that, Rowan walked away to his quarters to think about what he had done, letting criminals in the deer's midst. Ever stayed on duty at the front.

But only for a few seconds.

Once Ever got out of eyeshot, he put his hoof next to his ear, and spoke softly yet quickly. "Good job. Didn't think he'd actually buy it. Unicorns. Head there next. Later." He ran deeper into the underbrush and jumped into a trashcan. He then wheeled himself over to close to the guards barracks, to gain any last scrap of information of use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm ACTUALLY going to do the unicorns next. And for one final minor character that doesn't join the party.
> 
> MAN THAT WAS ONE HECK OF A WRITER'S BLOCK. LIKE HOLY FOENUM MARY AND JOSEPH THAT WAS WAY TO HARD FOR WHAT I WROTE.


	9. Serious question, unguls.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oleander, finally. Our favorite ungulates and Paprika reach the Unicorns in the middle of the night. Oleander's the only one awake, so... well... this can only end in one of two ways, can't it?
> 
> And UNDERTALE references.

The three protagonists who were awake had been more or less running nonstop at this point, trying to distance themselves from their previous location as much as possible. Fortunately for them, their burdens all helped them to pace themselves, but not by much. For Pom, it was her dog; for Ash, it was Paprika and her bottomless basket; for Mop, it was him missing three bedtimes in a row.

Pom, having partially elected herself official timekeeper, checked the moon for the third? Fourth? Fourth. time that night.

lt was 1:15, approximately. 5.5 degrees. That seemed about right.

They finally reached the unicorns. From the wrong side; they were at that ritual place that Ash talked about. After ducking behind bushes, Pom took a peek at the town in front of them. lt was completely empty? Oh. Right. Everyone's probably asleep.

But before she could get up, Ash put a hoof over her back. "The lights are on," she mouthed. Upon further inspection on the windows, every single home had at least one light on. Hm.

*Note about Unicorn culture BSPNQTTAU: Nearly all unicorns are afraid of dark, after that Oleander incident. At first they weren't, but then Fred happened, and the rest is history.

"Okay, but where tae fine' a place tae stake out?"

Before either of her partners could reply, a rustling noise was emitted from the bushes right next to them. Ash, acting on reflex, took up a defensive stance, neck fur glowing green, while both Pom and Mop hid behind her.

Wait, wha-

______  
| {} |  
| o |  
//---+

________________________________________________________  
| ***Dark Unicorn blocks the path!** |  
| ***You sense a dark presence emanating from it...** |  
| |  
\-------------------------------------------------  
[t Fight] [@)) Act] [{} Item] [X Mercy]

Wait, you're not supposed to be here.

**[*I'm** **not?]**

NO! Now, get your creepy face out of here before l tell the author or something.

**[*Fair enough.]**

**[*Chara ran away.]**

Weird...

The Tanoak's daughter wasted no time in questioning. "Who are you?"

The unicorn neatly deflected the question. "My name is none of your business, what are you doing here, cervidae? This isn't your territory. Neither is it for Sheeple like her," she added, motioning with her horn towards Pom.

Ash was taken aback, but only for a moment. "My name is Ash, daughter a' the Tanoak. Please leave us alone, or l'll be forced ta use force."

"Hm. Well, in that case... Let's get started, shall we?" 

If any light could be considered "dark," the light that illuminated the surrounding area would fit the bill nicely. Not necessarily, scary persay, but not warm either. Almost as if some other force was present...

Hey, one of these!

* * *

"You're a princess? You look about as princess as a soldier in 'Nam."

"And you look 'bout as unicorn as a- um... Unicorn?"

**Them's Fightin' Round 1/1. Ready?**

**STAMPEDE!**

*Due to budget cuts, This section was removed. We have replaced it with an accurate depiction of both of them in battle. Well, one at least.

"Shadow Spark!"

"Shadow Spark!"

"Nngh, Hng, Ha!"

"Shadow Spark!"

"Shadow Spark!"

"Boom!"

"Shadow Spark!"

"Shadow Spark!"

"WAIT!"

**It's over!**

* * *

"What is it, lamb? I'm almost finished with her."

Shoot. She really should have thought this through more.

"Um... She's had enough. Can't yew see the state she's in?"

"Of course I can. I never said I was going to kill any of you. Besides. Not like you could put up a decent fight with an attitude like that in the first place." She contemptuously spat at the nigh unconscious form of the deer lying in front of her. 

"She started it anyways. You don't seem so bad, though. Didn't even try to help her. Almost pitif-" 

Little Ruff started to whimper. Pom took a couple of seconds to shift him over closer to herself. 

An immediate shift was noted in the now excited unicorn. "Ooh-Puppy!" From the book, a deep voice responded. "Can I keep him Ollie?" "NO! And don't call me Ollie!" Suddenly, the newly-known named Olly looked slightly embarrassed. She took another look at the dazed doe.

"Um... I probably shouldn't have hit her so hard... Perhaps... to make it up to you guys, I'll... Provide hospitality for tonight? The least I can do, after knocking your friend here out..."

Unconvinced, Pom asked, "Um... how dew we kno ye worn't 'urt us either?"

"Oh, she's fine. Just don't touch her donuts." "Fred!" "You know, my name is FTHNG-"

Mop, having recovered from his shock, looked at the dark unicorn and her... book in awe. "Er, so, uh, Ollie?"

"Oh please, call me Oleander. Ollie is the nickname that, FRED, gave me."

"Okay, uh, Oleander? So, Other than Pom's pups, why do ye wanna 'elpis?"

Oleander rolled her eyes. "Because, if you don't know, both Pom and... that... yellow... THING were both Key Seekers."

Ash had gotten up from her fall. "I was a Key seeker too!" she said, grunting.

Looking on cheekily, Oleander replied, "You were, but never got to go."

*upset deer noises*

Satisfied with herself, Oleander continued. "Oh well. That's in the past, I suppose, and my thirteen weeks are almost up. I MUST find at least something on the predators and when, if ever, they'll return. I must show dark magic can be used for good. Show them all."

She stared off into the distance, while a sigh eminated from the book. "Oh, come on Olly, where are your manners? If you want them to help you, you might as well be hospitable to them.

"Yes of course," the sorceress nodded, levitating the book. "Right this way, and be quiet about it."

Ash rolled her eyes. "You probably shouted 'shadow spark' twelve times back there. If you don't shut up, then-"

*pop*

* * *

*pop* Suddenly, all six of them were standing in the middle of a dark room.

"Okay, to avoid having to do that, I teleported you all in here. Welcome. Please don't tell me about the cobwebs in the corners; I know all about them."

Welp. Uh... As she said, Oleander's house was dark, for sure, but not unpleasant. To the normal person. Pom was afraid of the dark. Anyways, in light of this, she forced herself to focus on the more positive aspects of Olly's dreary abode.

Most of the building was a single large roon, only separated by small interior walls. Even after stepping not fifteen feet fron the only entryway, she could still see all facets of the inside. Including the cobwebs.

The kitchen dining room was immediately the most obvious feature. Better than her own. It actually had a sink and oven. Since most sheep kitchens are more cupboards than anything else, quite literally ONLY cupboards, it was clear that the unicorns were less worried in this regard. Personally, Pom was a little envious. No famine cares? That was new to her.

One other thing of note was that the table was meant for more than one ungulate. Weird.

Scattered around the main room were bookshelves, filled to the brim with books. Many of them were about other dialects and decrypting, while others were about the history of the predators. Opposite of both of the bookshelves at once, was a single desk with papers held in place by strangely shaped paperweights. These papers had nothing that Pom could understand, save for a few translations that said some worthless tidbits.

The rest of her little party had already made themselves at home. Paprika was reading a book from the shelf closest to the bathroom, Mop was just sitting down, and Ash was eyeing Oleander disdainfully.

"Ahem... So, how about a chat? That's why I brought you here," the unicorn coolly stated, carrying Ruff to the large kitchen table. Seating themselves around it, all of them were in clear view of each other as well as the dusty horse skull in the center.

"Yo, Pom... you alright?" Pom found herself lying on the floor, with the rest of her party staring down at her. "Uh... Ah guess I must've passed ouwt?"

Ash was looking at the skull. One of the eyes glowed an eerie blue color. "Oleander?" she asked. "Could I... Have... that?"

Oleander had a bit of a mischievous smile on her face. "By all means. Please take it."

_**GAINED SANDY SKULL!** +19 LV +20 DETERMINATION it makes it kind of hard to give it my all._

"With that out of the way, I should probably give slightly more information. Fred."

The book floated up, red eyes in the skull glowing. "Yes?"

"Please, set up some bedding for our guests. There should be some blankets in the closet." "Of course." The book floated away seemingly on its own. All five pairs of awake eyes were fixated on it as it flew out of the kitchen area. Oleander seemed unfazed, though. 

"There we are. Now, tell me all that you know about this...key."

The two ungulates, sans Mop and Paprika, who simply went back to her book, told Oleander everything they knew, which was... not much.

"Ugh, seriously? I thought that you would have done the proper research before-"

"Er-eep!" Pom did it again. Must have been some sort of reflex, constantly telling her to-

Oleander seemed to be patient, fortunately. "Go on, tell us."

"Um... There were these orbs... and-"

Suddenly, Paprika started to speak. Like actually speak. "Sí, los vimos ayer. ¡Todos estaban brillantes! Se rompieron en pequeñas cosas azules que se absorbieron en nosotros, que se sentía muy bien!"

...

......

............

Great, so now Paprika speaks Spanish. "What kind of book did you read?"

Paprika simply shrugged, then laughed at a pitch that probably shouldn't be possible.

"Anyways, your friend was talking about how there was some orb that you found? And it broke into blue things that somehow got absorbed into you? Interesting. I haven't heard of that before... Can you tell any more about this strange magic?" she inquired, voice growing excited.

Pom explained haltingly how they had found the orb not three chapters ago, stating the most important information. She explained what it looked like, how it acted when they got close to it, what happened after they had broken it, and additionally, why they had come over to the unicorns. Ash and Mop added their own tidbits as well, but left Pom to most of the talking, much to her horror.

"Amazing. This may prove useful, my helpers. Well... It's getting late... You should probably get to bed. It's a long day ahead, and One of you is looking really beat up."

*grunt*

"Please, head to the lounge. There should be bedding that Fred set up."

The four ungulates and puppy headed over to the living room, where there were now four blankets and a doggy bed. Oleander motioned towards them. The sleepy protagonists needed no further push. All of them were asleep within the next five minutes. Oleander watched them for a couple extra, before heading to her own room. It would be a long day tomorrow.

She felt almost bad for partially using them for cover. Being a dark wielder meant she wasn't the most liked out of the unicorns, and she found that some of them would try to kick her out with more... force than she would like. She needed to get out of there, and what better way than to join this little troupe?

Almost being the key word here. She was still going to do it, whether they liked it or not. These poor, stupid creatures. Without her, they'd be dead meat.

Turning in on the dreary night came easy for our unicorn as well. In a few minutes she was sleeping a dreamless sleep. One entity was still awake. And he wanted something that wasn't donuts on this night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worst. Writer's block. EVER. I hate myself. At least Paprika talks now, so I don't have to worry about actions as much with her. More Fred next chapter and one more unicorn.


	10. What are you doing here? Go back and read the last chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranty stuff and any questions you want answered go here. Just put something in the comments if you got a question, and the response goes here.

Read the last chapter for the actual story. This isn't really anything. Unless you have questions you want answered. If so, you've come to the right place.


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